


Ambedo

by michepeach



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Love, Probably gonna write some porn too, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-06-08 08:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15239610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michepeach/pseuds/michepeach
Summary: In a world full of death, blood, and sadness, you’ve been kept close by Commander Erwin Smith ever since the loss of you parents. However, with a handful of soldiers now moving into the HQ location where you live, will that change forever when you run into a certain golden-eyed boy?





	1. Chapter 1

You sighed, rubbing your tired eyes from the lack of sleep in the past forty-eight hours as you shuffled through the mess of passers laid out on top of the wooden desk in front of you. Digging your palms into the dips of your zygomatic and frontal, you rubbed until the blackened space showed colors, relieving you of some of the pressure that your drooping eyes had felt.

“So many soldiers in so little time.” You grumbled, hunching back over in quite poor posture and felt your stomach grumble as well. Ignoring the need for substantial nutrition for now, you scanned over the papers that listed the various names of soldiers from the Survey Corps that would now be housed at one of the main HQ branches within the interior of wall Rose. Curiously, your fingers paged through every piece of paper with the soldiers’ profiles and you skimmed them, unamused. The soft light of the slowly burning candles surrounding you flickered, casting an orangey glow over the worn parchment. 

Mikasa Ackerman, 18, Female  
Weight: 68kg  
Height: 170cm  
Eye color: Grey  
Hair color: Black

You had heard about this particular girl from Levi. She had been one of the best soldiers and users of the 3DMG in generations of soldiers. She was determined, skilled, and almost cold hearted it seemed. You hummed, flipping to the next page. 

Eren Yeager, 18, Male  
Weight: 70kg  
Height: 172cm  
Eye color: Green  
Hair color: Brown

You had also caught wind of this boy with his strange ability. Levi had often referred to him as “titan shifting brat” or more bluntly, “a goddamn pain in my ass.” You giggled at the memory. You wondered what he was like, though. You had never really met any of the cadets, well, ever. Was he different looking? Did he have a temper? Did he just plain act like a titan? You pondered these thoughts and set your little stack down, stretching your arms out in front of you, feeling a satisfying pop from your shoulders. 

Looking down again to the profiles, you flipped to the next one, which read:

Jean Kirschtein, 18, Male  
Weight: 75kg  
Height: 178cm  
Eye color: Brown  
Hair color: Brown

You had never heard of him before, you thought. Swirling a feathered pen in a full bottle of ink, you didn’t realize what you were really doing until you knocked it over, spilling it all over the papers, black splashing everywhere.

“Shit!” You yelped, quickly cleaning up the mess. You held up the poor boy’s profile, it now being drenched in black ink, no longer readable. 

“I guess I’ll have to rewrite this one later..” you mumbled grumpily to yourself, plopping back down into the not so comfortable chair. 

Knock knock 

A sturdy knocking on the wooden door of the office resounded throughout the room, and you replied, “Come in!”

You knew exactly who it was once you saw the slicked back blonde hair and bushy eyebrows that held such seriousness. 

“Commander Erwin.” You stated respectfully and smiled, and he reciprocated the gesture as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him. His heavy boots made loud claps on the floor as he walked over to where you were sitting, pulling out a chair and sitting down in front of you. He had an eloquent nature about him. Strong, cunning, and a gentleman. Everything that a commander should be.

“How are the reports going, (y/n)?” He asked in a deep, gravely voice that you’ve gotten used to over the years. Most girls would’ve swooned and been on their knees at an instant, but you found it comforting. 

“Pretty well. Everything’s organized accordingly and ready to be archived. I was just doing some last minute reading up about the soldiers that are coming to stay here.” You said honestly, knowing you wouldn’t have to hide your curiosity from Erwin. 

“I see. Anything that’s particularly peaked your interest?” He teased, knowing very well the strange specimen of a boy that would in fact be living in the same building as you. You lightly rolled your eyes and leaned your head back into your hands, arms stretching behind you. 

“Nothing really. The usual. Just some top tier military soldiers and some titan shifting humans.” You smirked at Erwin and he gave you a hearty laugh in return. 

“It’s fascinating though, isn’t it?” He sighed, leaning back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. 

“Depends on what you think fascinating is, I probably won’t even be able to meet any of them.” You grumbled a bit, but all in good humor. Erwin’s face hardened at your remark.

“(y/n), you know why I don’t want you to... to associate with the military.” He told you, but you’ve heard this speech a million times. 

“Yeah, I know. But Comman-“ he snapped. He slammed his fist on the table, blue eyes glistening with determination and a hint of fury.

“No buts, (y/n). I SAID NO.” Usually, at this point you would apologize, but tonight, it was different. You stood up in fervor, glaring down at him with intensity. 

“NO ERWIN. You can’t keep me locked up forever. I’m eighteen for God’s sake! You act like I’m gonna run off like a little girl to join the military, but I won’t. All I’m asking for is a little goddamn human interaction every once in a while! This is a chance for me.... to be normal again... at least a little.” Your voice lowered at the last part, breaking from his gaze and looking down sadly. Erwin’s gaze softened a bit, reaching forward and touching the top of your hand. You retracted it, not wanting any of his affectionate gestures right now. You were upset. You walked around the desk, standing right in front of him, regretting that you raised your voice to him. 

“(y/n)... look at me.” He told you softly, reaching out for your hand again. This time you didn’t pull away. 

“I know... I know it’s hard. I just can’t risk losing you. I lost your parents already, and I promised them that I would never let anything happen to you.” He told you, squeezing your hand. You knew he was right. Erwin was almost always right. He’s always been there for you. Ever since both of your parents died from the first wall breach, he took you in. He was like your brother in a sense. He took you in when you had no one else when he could’ve easily left you fending for yourself. Alone to live, to starve, and most likely to die. All alone. The memories of your parents, the titans, all of the blood, screams, pain, and torture etched into your mind. Erwin had saved you and brought you with him wherever he went. You became sort of his assistant, taking some of the duties that didn’t require being on the field off of his shoulders. 

“Erwin... I know that. I’m just asking you to consider letting me just live my life. Not outside the walls, just here. I want to get to know other people my age, and I promise I won’t leave the premise of the building.” You told him, finally meeting his gaze with watery eyes. 

It got him every time. 

He stood up from his spot in the chair and pulled you forward in a hug, which you weren’t complaining. They were always nice. His brawny arms encased your smaller form into his warmth, and you welcomed it wholeheartedly. 

“I promise I’ll think about it. Just give me a little time.” He told you, squeezing your frame tighter to his own. You smiled against his chest, hugging him back. 

“Thank you... Erwin.” You mumbled, and he gave you a hearty grunt in return. 

“Want me to go make us some tea?” You looked up, smiling now. He loved tea. He softly smiled back and nodded. 

“Just be careful.” He looked at you and you nodded, smiling as you walked out of the door and down the dark corridor. Tea always cheered Erwin up, and when he wasn’t moody as fuck, he was easier to talk to. Your plan of action was pretty simple: get him to let you meet new people, to make some friends. You loved that guy to death, but it was only him, you and Levi constantly. You needed some estrogen in your life. Lost in your own thoughts, you’d didn’t even notice a pair of frantic footsteps coming closer to you until it was too late. 

BAM

You gripped your forehead in pain, helping out at the sudden contact. 

“God dammit!” You yelped. 

“Hey, watch where the fuck you’re-“ you were cut off as a calloused, but warm hand was placed over your mouth and you were dragged behind a heavy curtain of a nearby window. You tried screaming, but this guy’s grip was way too damn tight. 

“Shut up already, I’m not gonna hurt you. If you don’t stop squirming, you’re gonna get us both in trouble.” You heard a boyish, but suave voice say. You stopped resisting momentarily and looked up, noticing a guy with sharp features and rather quite golden eyes. They were breathtaking, if you were being completely honest with yourself. His hair was two different colors; he had an undercut, and a long bridged nose that accentuated his high cheekbones and strong set jaw. His more serious look melted into a mischievous smirk once he caught you staring observantly at him. You shifted your gaze down quickly, blushing a slight tinge of pink. 

“You promise not to try and fuck me over, princess?” He whispered in your ear smugly, and you rolled your eyes and nodded. He let go of you and you crossed your arms, huffing. About to go off on him like a rabid animal, you heard more voices coming from behind the curtain. The man pulled you flush against his body and pressed you both against the window as much as he could. You could hear them yelling. 

“Kirschtein, I swear to fucking God! Your ass is grass once I find you you piece of horseshit!” A particularly gruff, but also young male voice yelled. Your heart pounded in your chest. Who were these people? More importantly, who was this boy holding onto you so tightly? 

Kirschtein... that name sounded familiar though. Oh yeah, the report, duh.

You felt his pectoral and abdominal muscles flex and ripple from underneath his cotton shirt as he tensed up, taking shallow breaths, trying to avoid being caught. He was warm, and even though his form was more lithe than Erwin’s, it still comforted you to the slightest degree. Hell, even you were nervous, too, and decided to give this guy a piece of your mind after this ordeal was over. With your face shoved in his chest, you really had no other option but to stay still and breathe in his slightly musky, but fresh scent. He must have just finished taking a shower. 

As the footsteps dwindled into nothing, he slowly released you out of his grip. It felt strange not to be engulfed in the warmth you felt just seconds ago, but you brushed it off. You looked up at the taller boy with anger in your eyes.

“What the hell were you thinking?” You asked curtly, impatience growing by the second. 

“Look, I’m sorry for dragging you into that, I wasn’t thinking and I-“ 

“Obviously.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes and smoothing your skirt. He laughed at your sarcasm. 

“Listen little girl, I don’t know who the hell you think you are talking to a soldier like that, but-“ he stopped himself once he saw the red mark on your forehead. His facial expression changed from cockiness to remorse. 

“I hit your head, huh?” His tone suddenly changed to concerning as he stepped closer to you and brushed the stray hairs away from your forehead. His hand cupped the side of your face as his thumb smoothed over the spot that was still tender, making you flinch slightly. 

“Yikes. I’m sorry, I really am.” He said and gave you an adorable pout, making you go red at both his sincerity as well as his proximity. His hot breath fanned over your face, and it smelled like something familiar.

Chamomile.

“It’s fine... I’m sorry for yelling at you.” You smiled at him sweetly, not noticing the slight blush spreading over his cheeks and nose. He looked away, clearing his throat as well as removing his hand from your face. 

“Yeah yeah, it’s all good. Who are you anyways? You’re definitely not a soldier.” He said in a matter-of-faculty tone. 

“Yeah, I’m not. I kind of work here, kind of live here.” You said nonchalantly, and his eyes widened. 

“Y-you mean you work with the commander?” He babbled and you laughed, nodding. 

“Erwin? Yes.” You told him, and he looked appalled.

“I’ve only ever met him once, but he’s so cool! I want to be as strong as him one day. Maybe take over his position.” He said, determined. You grinned at the statement. 

“He is very strong. But between you and me.....” you leaned in closely. “He’s a pretty big softie.”

The boy laughed at this, as did you. 

“Who are YOU, anyways, mysterious boy who dragged me behind a curtain like a hostage?” You stuck your tongue out at him and he smirked.

“The name is Jean Kirschtein, at your service princess.” He smoothly said, gently grabbing your hand and kissing your knuckles. Your face turned red. 

What a smooth motherfucker.

“A pleasure, Jean. I haven’t ever quite heard that name before, though.” You pondered. 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” He said. Oh this guy definitely was a douche, but you really didn’t want to pass up the chance of making a new friend just yet. 

“Oh yes, the BEST name ever, Gene.” You smirked up at him and he looked a little bit pissed off at the horrible mispronunciation of his name. 

“Very funny, princess. Now who are you to be exact? It’s not every day you just casually run into pretty girls in the halls during the night.” He told you, stepping closer. He took a strand of your hair in between his fingers and twisted it. Your eyes widened, meeting his golden ones that seemed to glean even in the dark of the night. 

“Don’t you know what happens to pretty girls that are all alone in the middle of the night?” He whispered, leaning down closer to your face. Every nerve in your body was in overdrive, your skin covered in goosebumps as you felt his hot breath fab over your face. You closed your eyes, a bit scared now.

“N-no.” You stuttered, backing away a bit, with Jean following your every footstep until you hit the window behind you. 

“It’s a good thing you ran into me then, and not anyone else.” He backed up, straightening his posture and towering over you again, done teasing you. “Because a gentleman like me would never let a pretty girl wandering all alone to get snatched up by anyone in the night.” He said in a condescending tone, and you scoffed. 

“Right... gentleman.” You whispered to yourself. He looked OFFENDED by your statement. 

“A pretty girl with an attitude.” He muttered, and you blushed. 

“Anyways, I’m sorry I hit your head and dragged you behind a curtain. But I gotta go back now before I get my ass beat by Reiner.” He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. 

“Friends?” He held his hand out.

Friends.... you thought.

“Sure.” You smiled at him and grabbed his much larger hand with your own and shook it. 

“I’ll see you around.... what was your name?” He asked curiously. But you decided to have him keep guessing.

“That, sir, is confidential. Maybe next time, Jean.” You turned around, giving him a little wave, winking at him. He chuckled. 

“Princess it still is then, I guess.” He smirked at your retreating form. Turning away finally, you took a deep breath in, trying to calm your nerves and let the immense blood flow to your face chill the hell out a little. 

“Damn.” Jean told himself as he watched you disappear in the opposite direction, admiring the luck that he just had. 

Little did you know, this wouldn’t be he only time you would run into one another. 

You would never admit it, but damn was that boy fine. His cocky ass attitude just threw you off a bit, but he was still beautiful. From his tanned skin, to his golden eyes and weird hair that looked abnormally soft, to the way his muscles flexed even from underneath just shirt. 

Stop it. You thought to yourself. It’s just you being hormonal as fuck, (y/n). You sauntered off to the kitchen and back with a tea tray in your hands, trying to hurry back to the office where Erwin waited for you, not realizing how long you had actually been gone. Opening the door back up as quietly as you could, you weren’t surprised to see Erwin dozed off on the desk. 

He worked so hard, and you felt so bad for him. 

Placing the tea on the desk, you lightly shook he blonde man awake. 

“Hey... Erwin... tea is ready.” You quietly said to him, rousing him from sleep.

“(y/n)... how long were you gone? I must’ve fell asleep. Are you okay?” He asked sleepily, concern still laced with his voice. You smiled at him. 

“I’m okay, I’m just a klutz and I spilled the hot water everywhere so I had to reboil it and clean it up.” You lies through your teeth to him. There was no way you could tell him what really happened. But Erwin was way too tired to notice. 

“I swear, (y/n). I have to keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.” He rubbed his face and you giggled. 

“I’m here back in one piece, you’re fine.” You told him, sitting back down at the desk across from him. Erwin sipped on his tea as you shuffled through the mess on the desk, looking for a blank sheet of paper.

“What are you doing?” He asked you, swirling his tea around in his cup.

“Speaking of me being a klutz... I spilled ink on one of the soldiers profiles and I have to rewrite it.” You told him sheepishly. You dipped on your cup of tea as well, tasting the calming herbs of chamomile. 

“You never fail, (y/n), you never fail.” He laughed a bit and you stuck your tongue out at him, dabbing the pen with ink and writing down the information about Jean. Your hand wrote the words:

Jean Kirschtein, 18, Male

You copied the height and weight from the previous paper, but as you pictured the boys smirking face in your mind, you thought about it for a bit, and wrote down the words:

Eye color: golden  
Hair color: copper

They definitely weren’t as bland as just brown.


	2. Chapter 2

You rolled around restlessly, the dim early morning light slightly illuminating your room. The humidity was horrible right now, and cracking open the window wasn’t going to help you at all. Throwing a hand over your eyes, you groaned. 

“I bet it’s going to rain later.” You grumbled to yourself, leaning up on both of your hands against the mattress. Since you couldn’t fall back asleep, you decided to get up and go straight to work, you really had nothing better to do. 

Bare feet padding against wooden floorboards, you yawned, pulling out a lighter, full length cotton skirt and button up shirt, trying not to overdress due to the muggy, humid weather that seemed to cling onto everything. You tied your hair up into quite possibly the messiest bun ever, but you just wanted to at least try and cool off. 

“It’s too damn hot...” you grumbled to yourself, walking out into the communal office space that you and Erwin shared. It was a simple living space, the office connected to his bedroom and your own on opposite sides of the large room. You giggled a bit as you heard soft snores resounding from the other side of the large oak door on the opposite side of the room.

“Still asleep. Poor guy.” You whispered to yourself, feeling truly bad for Erwin. His constant early mornings and late nights had truly taken a toll on him, but hopefully now with more captains int he HQ building, he would be slightly more at ease with everything. Looking over at your (Erwin’s, really) desk, you saw that the paperwork had been cleared off already. Your eyebrow twitched in slight annoyance. What else were you supposed to do today? Erwin definitely wasn’t comfortable with you wandering around yet, let alone with all of the soldiers staying here. Still staring at the desk, you noticed the tea cups that had been left there, and you smiled a bit, remembering last night.

The golden eyes that had left an impression on you. 

Gathering the two tea cups as well as the pot, you sauntered out of the room as quietly as you could, careful not to wake the commander from his slumber. He needed all of the sleep that he could get. 

Padding down the hallway, the whole place seemed abandoned as to how quiet and dim it was. Although, it was quite early in the morning... maybe five or five thirty? Who knows. 

Making your way into the eerily quiet kitchen, you quickly washed and dried the used china and began boiling water for another round of tea for the morning.

As you looked for the more caffeinated tea, knowing you’d need it due to lack of sleep, you didn’t notice a shorter, raven haired man standing behind you. His entrance had gone right past your head, and as soon as you turned around with English breakfast tea in hand, you nearly jumped out of your skin at the steely gaze that observed you. 

“And what do you think you’re doing up this early, (y/n)?” Levi questioned you, arms crossed at his chest, eyeing you quite suspiciously. 

“Captain, you scared the hell out of me.” You breathed out a sigh of relief, hand over your pounding heart. 

“That didn’t answer my question, idiot.” You rolled your eyes at his remark, used to being called quite rude names by this certain man now. 

“Couldn’t fall back asleep. So I decided to come down here and make some tea.” You smiled softly, gesturing to the clean tea set. Levi nodded, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, visibly more relaxed now. 

“Care for a cup?” You asked the stoic man, smiling. You noticed his gaze towards the steeping tea and he nodded slightly.

“Please.” He responded, standing up straighter now, walking towards you. You hummed, eyes half-lidded as you poured the steamy beverage into two cups, adding cream and sugar to both. Handing a cup to Levi, he gladly accepted it and sipped on it, eyes closed. He hummed in what you believed to be satisfaction. 

“Just how I like it.” You laughed at his remark. 

“After all of these years, wouldn’t you have just the slightest bit of faith in me to know how you like your tea, Levi?” You teased, and he grunted in annoyance.

“Please, even Erwin doesn’t know how to properly make my tea.” He scoffed, taking another drink. 

“Well, I DID learn from the best, you know.” You winked at him, humming as the steam engulfed your face as you brought the cup up. 

“Tch. You know Erwin would kill you if he found out you were down here alone, right?” Levi said seriously, and you bit your lip, looking down. 

“I know, it’s just... I get so stuffed in that room all day. I want to walk around just for a bit. Besides, no one is even up anyways.” You pouted, and Levi rolled his eyes. 

“They won’t be in this building all day. They’re in the barracks outside.” He commented, adding: 

“By the way... they’re tearing them down soon, too. Those buildings are rotting away and there’s too much room in them for the soldiers were housing.” He told you. 

“And?” You inquired him further.

“And that means that they’re being moved in here by tonight, in the rooms downstairs. And you’re going to clean them.” He said stoically, and you nearly spat your tea out. 

“What the hell? All of them? By myself?” You said in awe. There was no way in hell you could do that all alone. 

“Of course not, idiot. I’m helping you. I’ve gotta keep an eye on you to make sure you’re cleaning everything right.” He told you, seeming appalled that you would make such a statement.

“Well, hurry up. The faster you get this done, the faster you can go back to whatever the fuck you do during the day.” Levi said, drinking the rest of his tea, you finishing yours as well. 

“Ugh.” You groaned, following Levi with reluctance, knowing you couldn’t get out of this one. 

In reality, it wasn’t that bad. You were just being a big baby. Levi really did most of the cleaning, while you had to restuff the mattresses and pillows, and oil down the dry wood that made the bunk beds. You did the latter task first, taking down all of the mattresses and pillows and piling them up so that the cases could be washed. Levi was already finished by the time you completed the oiling.

“Can you finish up the rest?” Levi asked you, and you nodded, wiping your forehead with the back of your hand. 

“Yeah, I got it.” You smiled at him, and he nodded, walking away.

“Oh, and make sure you take a damn shower after you’re done. Disgusting.” He scoffed, walking out of the door. You laughed a bit to yourself, knowing he meant well, he just had a hard time showing it. You rested your hands on your hips, sighing. 

“A pain in my ass.” You moaned as you hunched down and grabbed the empty cases, dragging the heaping load outside to the washing basin. There was no way you were washing them one by one, so you did it the faster way. Pumping water over the cloth, you poured powdered detergent and let it flow for a bit, letting most of the dirt drain away. Removing your shoes and tying up your skirt, you dipped your feet into the cold water, jumping a bit from the contact. It felt amazing though, the cold water cooling your skin from the hot day. Stomping out the first from the sheets, you looked into the distance, noticing heavy, dark storm cloud gathering a bit behind the horizon. 

“I guess I was right.” You told yourself, hurrying to get the covers clean so that they could dry on time without being soaked by the rain, making your efforts all for nothing. 

Your wrung out the cloth piece by piece, pinning them up on a clothesline. 

“Should be dry in about an hour.” You said, patting your hands onto your skirt, straightening it out. Admiring your handiwork and the smell of fresh linens, you walked around back into the rooms, where you sat down on a small couch next to the open window where you could observe the fluttering cloth as it dried. Here, you could be sheltered from the sun but still making sure that the weather didn’t ruin your hard work. 

Leaning your head on the windowsill, your eyes wandered back to the horizon, where not only dark storm clouds were gathering, people were there too. To be more specific; soldiers were there, training in what seemed to be like basic combat. Erwin had taught you basic combat moves in the past, but nothing as extensive as to what the Survey Corps soldiers endured. You fixated your gaze on the moving bodies out in the distance, entrances by the way they so smoothly avoided hits, and how strongly they delivered blows. 

No wonder why Jean felt so muscular underneath his thin, cotton shirt 

“Oh stop it.” You told yourself, rubbing your eyes and shaking your head at the thought of being pressed up against the boy’s taut, warm body behind the curtain. The memory caused your cheeks to redden a bit. 

Lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice the group of soldiers coming closer to the building, until a shiny head of copper two-toned hair caught your eye, the locks glimmering in the sunlight. Your head shot up at the recognition, and your sudden movement caused the golden eyes of a certain boy to look your way. Smiling as you got his attention, you waved at him through the open window, leaning out as you did. Jean’s face softened as he saw you, hair messily tied up, enthusiastic smile as you poked out of the window. He gave you a gorgeous smile back, waving slightly as to not catch the attention of the other soldiers. Of course, he couldn’t break apart from his group, so you were content with a smile and a wave from your first friend here. Sighing again at your now lonely feeling as you watched the soldiers depart once more, you hopped out of the window to take down the linen, as the sky looked as if it were about to break. The air was thick with moisture and the fresh smell of rain, and you smiled. This weather always put you into a somber, relaxing mood no matter what the circumstance. Quickly gathering everything, you ran back inside and dragged bags of stuffing into the rooms as the rain began pouring down from the dark, ominous sky. The room was noticeably darkened, but still light enough to see for now. With the air much cooler, you felt slightly better and not as muggy. You began stuffing and folding away for what seemed like hours. After some time, you finished one bedroom completely, putting all of the mattresses up and pillows neatly laid out. The other, however, was a little bit trickier. Your muscles ached from dragging the mattresses everywhere, especially lugging them up to the top bunks. 

“One left.” You groaned as you lifted it by the corner, stepping up on the edge to try and just use momentum to throw it up there. Pulling it from behind you with your arms twisted back, you climbed up two steps. With a very unladylike grunt, you used all of your strength to throw it up there from behind you, but about halfway up, gravity just had to be a little bitch. Not registering that you probably should’ve just LET GO of the damn thing, you fell backwards with it.

“FUCK!” You yelled as you began the descent down onto the hard flooring, except the impact wasn’t as bad as you expected. 

Did you fall on top of the mattress? 

Oh no. 

Mattresses didn’t breathe. 

Mattresses didn’t have muscles.

Mattresses weren’t warm or musky.

“Goddammit.” A grumbly but familiar voice groaned from beneath you. Rolling over, you pushed the puffy mattress off of the person’s head and your jaw dropped in awe. 

“Jean?!” You gasped, but then immediately burst out laughing. The boy gave you a strange look, but soon followed suit, giving out a few hearty chuckles. 

“What are you doing here?” You inquired him, genuinely confused as to why he would just come here alone. 

“I was curious to find out where I saw you from. But I didn’t know you were waiting in the boys dormitories for me, princess. That eager to see me again?” He gave you a smirk, and your face turned red. 

So you smacked him on the side of the head lightly. 

“You idiot. I was here stuffing and cleaning all day so that YOUR HIGHNESS could get a good nights rest.” 

“Fair.” He laughed.

“You buffoon.” You stuck your tongue out at him. 

“Princess, as much as I Truly enjoy having you on top of me, you’re kind of crushing a very... sensitive... area... please get off.” He winced at the last part, and you immediately looked down, noticing your knee was on top of his groin. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry Jean! Are you okay?” You got right off of him in one swift move, helping him up. 

“I’m fine now. Don’t know about my future children though.” He smirked down at you, and that earned another hit to the head. 

“Ow! What was that for!” He yelled, grabbing the side of his head. 

“For being an idiot. Thanks for breaking my fall though.” You grinned sheepishly, toying with your skirt out of embarrassment. He looked down at you, all disheveled, and he blushed a bit. Clearing his throat and looking away, he asked you:

“What were you even doing?” 

“I was trying to get the last mattress up to the top, but I’m super tired from cleaning and dragging them around all day. Mind lending me a hand?” You asked him sweetly, giving him a small smile. 

“Uh, sure.” He told you nervously, looking away again and lifted the mattress as if it weighed nothing, putting it in its right place. 

“Now I just look stupid.” You groaned, placing your forehead in your hand. 

“For cleaning and doing all of this work, there’s no wonder why you’re exhausted.” He told you, dusting his hands off and leaning against the bed structure with his arms across his chest. 

“Thank you.” You told him sweetly, tugging your hair out of the bun that it had been in all day, running your hands through the strands. Doing so, you observed the male in front of you. Sweat glistened from his forehead, against bronzed skin that stretched across his body, down to his cervical and pectoral, where his shirt was cut into a v shape. There, well defined muscles peeked through the top of the shirt, revealing the slightest bit of darkened chest hair, resembling the color of his undercut. Your eyes glazed over as you stared at the well defined boy in front of you, only fueling the smirk on his face.

“Like what you see, princess?” His comment snapped you out of your trance like state, making you jerk up.

“Sorry, I’m just tired. I must have zoned out.” A pathetic excuse, but you hoped that it would work. 

“Uh huh. Well then, let’s get you to bed, since you’re so tired.” He teased you, and you rolled your eyes, going along with his torment.

“We don’t want the other boys catching you in their room. Because you know what happens to pretty girls at night, shall we revisit, princess?” He leaned close to your ear when he said these words, making your heart race furiously. 

“S-stop it you tease!” You hit his arm lightly. 

“Quite the violent one, aren’t we?” He smiled at you and laughed a bit, making you calm down a bit now that he seemed to be done teasing the hell out of you. Jean offered you his arm, which you gladly took. Hooking your smaller hands around his bicep, he led you down the hallway toward where you two first met the night before. You silently guided him towards Erwin’s office door, almost sad that you were closer now. You hoped that these short lived meeting with Jean turned into longer ones, maybe sometimes with other people in the mix. If Erwin let you, of course. 

“I guess this is where I leave you tonight.” Jean said softly, and he turned to you. You nodded. 

“I suppose so. Goodnight, Jean.” He grabbed your hand gently in his, holding it up to where your knuckles were facing him and you were grasping his index fingers lightly. 

“Still no name?” You giggled and shook your head. 

“Then I bid you a good night, princess.” He winked at you, kissing your knuckles as he did the previous night. 

His lips were warm and soft, almost like his hands. 

You smiled at the contact, and waved at him as he walked away down the dark hallway. The only noise now was the rain hitting the windows. You sighed, opening the creaky door and jumping when you saw the Commander at his desk, blue eyes darker now, ands crosses over his mouth. 

“So who was that at the door?” Erwin asked you, almost sounding hurt. Hurt that you lied to him. 

“Erwin... I... ran into a boy named Jean coming back from cleaning out the rooms like Levi told me to. He just walked me back here since it’s dark out. That’s it, I promise!” You defended yourself and Jean, hoping hag he wouldn’t have to suffer any consequences. 

“I see.” Erwin said curtly. You knew he was mad. Oh he was MAD. 

“Erwin, it was an accident. No one else saw me, and-“ 

“And what, (y/n)? What happens next? You run off every day, and get yourself hurt? That’s the LAST thing I want, you know this...” his voice slightly cracked at the end of the statement. You felt bad about it, but you knew that you needed a bit more freedom. 

“I’m not leaving, Erwin. I don’t WANT to leave. Remember what I said last night.” You rounded the desk and walked behind his chair, placing your smaller hands on his broad shoulders, slightly digging your fingers and palms into the tensed muscle there. The blonde man visibly relaxed at your actions. 

“I know, (y/n). I know. But there’s something I need to tell you.” He said seriously, and you stopped your ministrations.

“What is it?” You whispered, almost afraid of he answer he was going to give you. 

“I’m leaving on an expedition. I’ll be gone for two months.” He told you regretfully, blue eyes meeting your own as he turned around in his chair. 

Your heart dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jean is my favorite sassy bitch don’t @ me


	3. Chapter 3

You didn’t sleep at all last night, and you were definitely feeling the ache in your body and the heaviness in your eyes from the lack of rest. The previous night’s conversation with Erwin played over and over in your head. 

“I’m leaving on an expedition. I’ll be gone for two months.” Erwin had told you, and you stared at him with wide eyes, body completely in shock.

Two months? 

He barely left you alone for less than a week. 

“What do you mean... you’re kidding, right?” You had asked him weakly, hands dropping to your sides. He turned his chair around, facing you now with his expression as serious as ever. 

“No, (y/n). I’m not pulling your leg. There have been no recent breakthroughs in titan behavior, or how the abnormals seem to appear out of thin air. We can’t keep living like this... so for now, me and a special unit are departing to observe. I promise you I’ll come back.” He told you, his eyes boring into yours as you tried to process the information that Erwin had just given you. 

“I... I don’t know what to say.” You told him honestly. You really didn’t want him to leave. You knew you’d be okay, it was just the constant comfort of having someone you knew you could trust being by your side was what kept you going throughout the day. But you couldn’t tell him that. You couldn’t be that weak in front of him. 

You couldn’t put him through that.

“I know, and that’s okay, (y/n). You have to trust me. I promise I’ll be back before you know it.” He smiled at you, satiating your thoughts for the time being. He was humanities strongest, after all. You mustered up what you might call a smile for him. 

“I trust you, (y/n). Please don’t do anything you’ll regret when I’m gone.” He told you seriously, but you smiled at him. 

“No promises, Erwin.” You stuck your tongue out at him in attempt to lighten the mood. 

“I’m serious though, (y/n).” He told you in a sort of pleading tone. 

“I know, I know.” Your grin softened into a lovely smile. Erwin stood up from his chair, holding his arms out. Your eyes watered as you saw the tender look on his face and you basically launched yourself into his arms, wrapping yours around his larger middle. As much as you’d hate to say, you would really miss this man a lot for two whole months. 

And here you were now, sitting up in bed and rubbing your tired, puffy eyes, reminiscing about the last real conversation you and Erwin would have for some time. You of course would see him off, but you couldn’t get too personal in front of his comrades, it would just make him look weak and that was the last thing that you wanted. Glaring at the dim sun light peeking through the curtains of your room, you pushed yourself up and off of the bed, standing up. Pulling the thin, cotton nightgown over your head, you laid it out on your bed. The air hitting your naked skin cause goosebumps to litter the soft curves of your body as you walked over to the chest of clothes next to the mirror in your room. You stared at the reflection that mimicked your every movement in the full length mirror. Glancing up and down, the dips of your waist and the curves of your hips surprised you. You didn’t really have too much time to ogle yourself in the mirror, but now you realized that you had changed from a little girl who was lost in the world, to a woman who had, in all honesty, a very good life considering the worldly circumstances. Only a few, light scars from stretch marks marked your thighs and hips, but nothing else lied before you but soft, pliant skin. You’ve seen the scars that Erwin and Levi had that littered their chests and probably various parts of their bodies, and you counted yourself lucky that you didn’t have to endure such pain or agony because of the life that Erwin had provided for you. This, of course, make you feel so conflicted because you felt as if you took him for granted, begging him to let you be free when all he does is protect you. But at the same time, you knew he couldn’t keep you like this forever, hidden away from the world. These thoughts brewing in your head made your heart pound erratically as you bent down to retrieve your attire for the day. Pulling the plain, white dress over your head, you fixated it onto your body, smoothing the long skirt out and fixing your hair a bit. Taking a small glass bottle, you dabbed some on the contents on your wrist, neck, and behind your ears, the contents smelling like a bouquet. The perfume was a gift from Erwin, which you hardly ever wore. Deeming yourself ready for the day, you slipped on some simple, black shoes and walked out into the office. Seeing that Erwin’s bedroom door was wide open, you concluded that he was already up and most likely getting ready to leave. Stepping towards the door, you heard voices from behind it, both of which sounded extremely familiar. 

“Am I clear, soldier?” The voice of Erwin permeated clearly through the oak door where you had your ear pressed. 

“Yes, commander!” A strong, but familiar voice spoke. Your heart raced at the familiarity. 

It was him. 

A few moments later, you opened the door, the obnoxious thing creaking loudly as you did so. Erwin whipped around to face you, giving you a smile at your confused face.

“Good morning, (y/n).” He spoke softly to you. 

“Erwin... what was that about?” You asked him, rubbing your eyes for what felt like the millionth time already today. You looked around behind the man in front of you only to be greeted with an already empty corridor.

“Don’t worry, (y/n). I was just talking to your friend.” He told you calmly, and your face turned pink.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked nervously. Erwin laughed at you heartily. 

“Nothing bad, (y/n). Nothing bad. I can promise you that.” He smiled down at you and you gave him an annoyed face. 

Yeah, right. 

“Come, aren’t you going to see this old man off?” Erwin asked you, and you rolled your eyes, smiling. 

“You’re not old, Erwin. Hush.” You told him, taking his arm and walking down the hallway, towards the outside. His squad was waiting outside with horses ready, and you both mounted them. It was quite a ways out for the departure point, so you riding there horseback made a bit more sense than just walking there. Traveling behind the squad at a steady trot, you looked out into the distance where all of the soldiers were lined up perfectly. Straining you eyes to see the individuals, your eyes caught a head full of copper hair that shined in the sunlight, making you smile just a bit. You supposed you wouldn’t be alone, after all, with Erwin gone. As you approached the soldiers, you veered off to the side as to not get in the way of formation. You could see a few pairs of eyes focused on you, but you decided to ignore it for now. You didn’t feel like letting more nerves get to you. 

“Soldiers.” The commander addressed them, and all of them, stiff as could be, clenched their fists over their heart in salute.

“As you know, I will be leaving on an expedition to gather intel. Your job is to stay here and become stronger. All of you are here for a reason, and during this time of me being absent, I expect nothing less than greatness from each and every one of you. Am I understood?” He stated strongly, and they all replied in unison.

“Yes, Commander!” He gave them all a smile of confidence. 

“Until next time then. At ease. Move out!” He yelled to his squad, who followed suit right away. Right before he turned to leave, he looked at you, giving you a smile and a mother goodbye. You waved softly at his departing figure, and stayed there until the horses couldn’t be seen anymore. I’m the midst of your gazing, you heard the quote murmurs of the soldiers.

“Who’s that? I’ve never seen her before.” A dark haired, turquoise eyed boy pointed at you slightly. They began slowly walking towards you, and you froze. 

“Yeah... she’s kinda hot.” A short, fiesty looking boy said, and you blushed slightly at his words.

“Hey jackass, show some respect!” You saw Jean elbow the buzz cut boy’s head 

“Fuck you, Jean! Damn that hurts!” He grumbled. You giggled, covering your mouth to hide the growing smile that was on your face. The shorter boy looked at you and blushed at your actions. You feel a little bad, but it was all in good humor, after all. Jean ran up to you, a bright, but cocky smile on his face, as per usual. 

“What’s up, princess?” He smirked, leaning against the horse you were still upon. 

“I’m here for the same reason as you- woah!” You helped as the animal began to buck a bit. The horse was probably nervous because of all of the people approaching him. 

“Hey, hey, calm down!” You tried frantically to ease the horse, but it wouldn’t calm down. You held on, trying to keep your balance. But your efforts could only go so far. With one final kick, the horse flung you off of its back into the air. You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing for the impact of the ground. 

“Oh shit!” You heard Jean yell out, but he was too far away to help. As you were flung away, you crashed into something- well, someone- and their brawny arms wrapped around you sloppily in order to break your fall.

“Gotcha.” A relieved, but tough voice sighed out, and your eyes fluttered open, meeting smaller, yellowish eyes. The brawny boy had blonde hair and extremely defined features. 

“I- I’m very sorry. Did I hurt you?” You asked, concerned. You looked apologetic as your eyes widened, giving you a doe eyed appearance. The male blushed a bit and looked away. 

“You don’t weigh anything. It’s fine. Are you okay?” He grumbled out, and you nodded slowly, still realizing he hadn’t put you down yet. 

“Hey! Are you okay?!” An exasperated Jean ran over to you, concern now apparent on his features rather than his usual jackass expression.

“I’m fine, Jean. Really.” You smiled at him. His face relaxed a bit. 

“Wait, Jean, you know her?!” The blonde asked in shock.

“It’s a long story...” you mumbled, looking away, slightly embarrassed. The rest of the group of soldiers had jogged over to where you were now. 

“Reiner! Nice catch dude!” The turquoise eyed boy said with a smile.

“Are you alright?” A shorter, blonde haired boy asked sweetly. He was so adorable! 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” You told him softly, and he smiled. 

“Dude, put her down. She’s been traumatized enough already.” Jean told you, and Reiner, who was still holding onto you, moved away slightly. 

“What if I don’t want to, horse face?” He smirked, and your face turned very pink. 

“I said, let her go Reiner!” Jean was getting mad, and he jumped at him, but Reiner was too quick on his feet and dodged him. The action caused your dress to hike up a bit, completely exposing your legs. Jean saw this, and his cheeks lit up. 

“Wow! Look!” A brown haired girl ran over to you, gripping your leg in one hand. Her eyes sparkled in awe. 

“There’s no hair!” She squealed, completely feeling your leg up. 

“H-hey.” You squeaked out, gently tugging your leg away from her.

“It’s so soft, I looooove it!” She sang out happily, and you didn’t know if your face could turn any more red than it already was. Blushing profusely, Reiner put you down and crossed his arms.

“Sorry about that.” He gave you a closed eyes smile and you waved it off.

“No big deal.” You smiled back at him and turned around to face the others. 

“My apologies.” You bowed your head down to them a bit, looking at the ground. You felt an arm around your shoulder, causing you to jump up in surprise. The familiar warmth that you’ve had the pleasure of experiencing was comforting. Your eyes met Jean’s, his classic smirk plastered back onto his face again.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it princess.” You gave him a faint smile, and looked to the others. Everyone introduced themselves to you properly. The turquoise eyed boy was Eren, the boy who you read the report about. Mikasa and Armin were his two best friends, Sasha was the girl who touched your legs, Connie was the boy who called you hot, and Bertholdt was the quiet best friend of Reiner, the boy who saved you from a concussion. A darker, taller girl and a shorter, blonde girl were Ymir and Krista who seemed close as well. All in all, they really weren’t scary, serious soldiers. They were all your age, and they all seemed to be kind and quirky in their own way. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet all of you!” You smiled brightly at them, and they all reciprocated the action. 

“So what’s your name?” Sasha asked you excitedly, holding both of your hands up.

“I’m (y/n).” You said without thinking, and immediately regretted it. 

Uh oh.

You felt Jean’s arm tense up around you. Oh, you had fucked up big time. 

“That’s such a pretty name! I haven’t heard it before!” The smaller, blonde girl Krista piped up, and you smiled nervously. 

“Thank you.” You softly told her, and she smiled cutely at you. She was too adorable! But that didn’t distract you from the fact that there was a still visibly distraught Jean right next to you... or still holding onto you to say the least. 

“We should probably head back.” Armin said, noticing the visible tension between you both that had seem to appear out of thin air.

“Yeah, you should join us for dinner tonight, (y/n)!” Eren piped up, and you nodded.

“Sure.” You smiled at him and waved everyone goodbye. You suddenly felt the pressure around your shoulders drop down. 

“Bye.” Jean said coldly to you, and started walking away. 

“Jean... wait!” You yelled after him, but the stubborn ass boy didn’t look back. You ran over to him, grabbing him by his arm. 

“Can I help you?” He spat. Damn, he was pissed off. 

“Jean, please. I didn’t mean to. Please.” You looked up at the glaring man, giving him your best sad expression. This one made Erwin melt every time. Jean’s face softened a bit. 

“You didn’t even tell me your name when I asked you... and you just told them. I thought I was your friend, (y/n).” He was pouting now. 

Your name rolled off of his tongue so smoothly, though. And it made your heart race. 

“You are my friend, Jean. You’re my first friend.” You walked closer to him now, placing your hands on his broad chest. Lightly grasping the cloth there, you looked down. 

“I was gonna tell you, I promise. I guess I was just nervous. It’s not everyday a cute guy asks for your name, you know?” You looked up at him, giving him a mischievous look. He nearly choked, getting a taste of his own cocky medicine from you. You made yourself cringe at how flirty you were being, though. 

“Not funny, princess.” He glared down at you playfully, and you rolled your eyes in response. 

“Come on, don’t you forgive meeee?” You dragged out, giving him a sweet look. Jean feigned hurt, placing his hand over his heart. 

“I don’t know, (y/n). I think you need to make it up to me.” He spoke low, sultry if you dare say so. Jean leaned his face down, eyes boring into your own. His breath fanned over your face, nose touching your own. 

“Is he really going to kiss me?!” You thought to yourself, closing you eyes tight. Heart racing in anticipation, it nearly dropped when he pulled away just as he was about to kiss you, laughing hard.

“You should’ve seen the look on your face! Oh my god! Priceless!” You were mortified, face bright red. Jean laughed even harder at your puny attempts to hit him.

“You big ass! What’s your issue! You’re such a goddamn tease! Ugh!” You repeatedly hit his chest in fury, pissed off and embarrassed that he would pull such a stunt like that. You’ve never been kissed before, hoe could he just do that to you?! In the middle of your abuse, Jean suddenly wrapped both arms around your wait, scooping you up and spinning you around. 

“What are you doing?!” You squealed, clutching his shoulders for dear life as the boy kept on laughing. However, the expression on your face changed from annoyed to happy once you saw the look of pure joy on Jean’s face. Genuine happiness suited him well. 

“Put me down!” You tried being mad, but it came out as a laugh. 

“Not a chance, princess.” He smiled at you, but placed you on your feet. You stumbled a bit from feeling dizzy, holding onto Jean’s middle for support. He laughed a bit. He pulled you into a hug, squeezing you against his body. The warmth, the rippling muscles, and the heartbeat felt familiar. 

“You smell nice.” He blurted suddenly, and you grumbled am embarrassed thank you into his shirt, and he chuckled. 

“I forgive you, (y/n). But you have to do one thing for me now.” You hummed into his chest, a way of telling him to continue.

“You gotta sit with me at dinner tonight!” He stated as a matter of factory, and you looked up at him.

“Duh. Who else would I sit with? I’m not trying to have a nervous breakdown, Jean.” You poked your tongue at him, and he grinned.

“Are you saying I make you feel safe?” 

“Oh shut up, jackass.”

“So is that a yes?”

“What do you think, genius?” 

“Ouch! You didn’t have to hit me? The hell did I do?!” 

“That was for being a tease.”

“Says you.”

“SHUT UP!”

“OUCH! QUIT IT WITH THE HITTING! I’m gonna have to start calling you fiesty princess now.”

“Watch it.”

“Whatever you say, fiesty princess- OUCH! Damnit, (y/n)!”

“Serves you right.” 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You had parted ways with Jean a few hours ago, promising to meet up with him for dinner. For now though, you occupied yourself with paperwork that you had neglected to compete for the first part of the day, finally just finishing up. As you placed the last stack into place, you heard a rapid knocking on the office door.

“Come in.” You called out. 

“(y/n)!!” Hanji burst into the room excitedly, a determined look on her face. 

Oh dear.

“What can I do for you, Hanji?” You asked nervously, cowering behind your desk. You loved Hanji no doubt, she was just a bit eccentric at times.

“I have to show you! I created something that’s gonna change everything!” She practically screamed on excitement. You don’t have a change to intervene as she grabbed your arm and practically dragged you to her lab in the basement. 

“Hanji, really, what’s so important-“ she shoved a small bag into your face. You took it from her and opened it up, revealing a ton of small, white pills it seemed. 

“Medicine?” You questioned her, and she shook her head. 

“Not medicine, my dear (y/n). It’s hormones!” She squealed, and you were utterly confused. 

“Hanji, slow down. Hormones? Don’t our bodies produce those naturally?” You questioned her, and she shook your finger at you. 

“Ah ah ah. (y/n), these are special. They’re designed to regulate the female body’s cycle, making it more regular.” You looked at her quizzically. 

“And you’ve tested these?” You tossed the bag lightly in your hand. Interesting. It wasn’t completely a bad idea. 

“Of course I have! I’ve also found out that they act as a form of... what should you call it... birth control?” You choked.

“Hanji!” You blushed, and she laughed with no shame.

“I don’t kiss and tell, (y/n). But you were the first person I wanted to try it besides myself of course.” You thought about it for a bit. 

“Hanji, if I die it’s on you. Erwin will kick your ass.”

“A risk I’m willing to take.” She said confidently, and you smiled. 

She really was a genius, after all. You decided you would give it a try. 

“You take one every day at the same time, so don’t forget!” She scolded you, and you giggled.

“I won’t!” You gave her a smile and she waved you off. 

Walking back up to the office, you plopped down onto the chair, staring at the small sack in your hand. Opening it up once more, you removed one of the small pills and swallowed it. 

“We’ll see if you really do work.” You told yourself. You heard another knock at the door, and you groaned. 

“Hanji, I swear-“ you pulled the heavy door open, and Jean stood there, smirking as usual.

“Definitely not Hanji.” Jean said, cussing his arms and leaving against the doorframe. You looked at him, confused. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked him.

“It’s time for dinner, (y/n).” Your eyes widened at the realization. 

“Shit! Is it that late already?!” You freaked out a bit, and Jean laughed.

“Well, come on.” Jean said, offering his arm to you, which you took. 

“I’m not even ready.” You groaned, sulking a bit. 

“It’s just dinner, princess. I think you look pretty cute. I gotta keep Reiner and Connie off of you.” He teased, and you looked up at him, sticking your tongue out. 

“The gentleman as always.” You remarked sarcastically. 

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you already know what the f*** is going on ;)


	4. Chapter 4

“Dude, stop. You’re making her uncomfortable.” Jean observed Connie at the dinner table, where all of you were gladly chowing down after a hot day. The short haired boy looked away, embarrassed, making you giggle a bit. 

“Connie, stop drooling over her like she’s a piece of meat, you’ll scare her off.” Eren joked as well, making the boy blush a furious shade of red.

“Come on guys, leave the poor guy alone.” You waved them off, giving a small smile to the tormented Connie sitting across the table from you. He returned the gesture timidly. 

“So (y/n), what’s your story?” Reiner asked you, shoving a spoonful of stew into his mouth in the process. You pondered for a moment, putting all of your thoughts together. 

“I mean, I was a lot younger when everything happened, it’s kind of hard to recall. I lived in the outer wall, and as soon as it got breached, my town was destroyed. I was lucky enough to survive, but my family wasn’t as fortunate.” Eren, Mikasa, and Armin gave you an especially sympathetic look along with everyone else’s, you noticed.

“.... I was lucky. Erw- I mean the commander was very close with my parents, and as soon as word got out that my hometown had been demolished, he found me and took me in. I’ve been here ever since.” You looked down, smiling softly. 

“We’ve all been through shit, (y/n). I’m sorry that you’ve experienced the worst of it, but what’s important is that we’re all here now, fighting for the same cause.” Jean told you, looking over and smiling with his hands interlocked, leaning in his elbows. You smiled brightly back at him. 

“(y/n)... you said that you’ve been here for a long time, have you been able to have friends?” Krista asked you softly, and you flinched slightly. That kind of struck a nerve in you. You propped your head on your hand, putting your spoon back into the bowl.

“No. I’ve never really had anyone, besides the obvious.” You said, a bit saddened. 

“That’s okay, (y/n). We’ll be your friends.” Armin gave you a reassuring smile. 

“For sure. There’s no point in being alone, especially now.” Reiner agreed. Everyone nodded. 

“Thank you guys.” You smiled at them all. They all seemed so genuine and sweet. You looked at and Eren’s eyes met your own with seriousness. 

“I lost my parents in the first wall breach too, (y/n). It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to witness... they ate my mother right in front of my eyes.” You cringed at the memory of your own thoughts, completely understanding what Eren was saying. 

“...And that’s why I’m going to kill all of them. Every single last one of those damned creatures.” The boy had determination burning in his eyes, and it sort of scared you. He was so brave compared to you. 

“Oh shut up, Eren. We’ve heard the same story over and over again for years. It’s nearly impossible.” Connie spat, which seemed to infuriate the dark haired boy even more. 

“Yeah, jackass, but you gotta remember that I can take out tons of titans at once.” Eren retorted darkly. You forgot that this was the titan- shifting boy. 

“Enough.” You heard Jean’s voice strongly speak next to you. Your head turned to face him, a gloomy expression set on his face. 

“We’ve all lost important people to us because of those damned monsters. Our job is to eliminate them, no matter what the cost. Marco was a perfect example of that. Don’t take it lightly.” Jean’s voice lowered at the last part of his statement. 

“Marco...?” You asked him softly, and Jean’s body visibly tensed up. Everyone at the table was dead silent. 

“Marco... was my best friend. My brother.” Oh no. You knew where this was going. 

“After the second breach, we were just cadets. We all busted our asses trying to recover the wall. After everything was over, Marco... was no where to be found. And during cleanup, his body was found, eaten in half.” Jean lowered his head, hands clutching his knees. 

“That was the day I decided to become a part of the Survey Corps.” Your heart hurt for Jean. You could tell this Marco person must’ve meant a lot to him. Everyone seemed a bit gloomy now, picking at their dinners, not really hungry anymore. 

“Oh come on guys. Stop fucking moping! Have you all forgotten that we pretty much have a free pass for two months?!” Connie exclaimed. Mikasa looked annoyed as hell, and hit him on the head.

“Ouch! damn Mikasa, chill out!” He yelled, swatting her hand away. 

“Just because the commander is gone doesn’t mean you can slack off for two months, idiot.” She scoffed, and everyone giggled. Connie wasn’t getting a break today. 

“But Mikasaaaa!” Sasha whined, wrapping her arms around the stoic girl. 

“We have tomorrow off! Don’t you remember? Don’t be so hard on Connie here.” She whined, and Mikasa simply rolled her eyes. 

“Fine.” Was her simple and curt answer. It seemed to satisfy the lot, though, as they all finished their food up. 

“So guys, you up for a little ‘fun’ tonight?” Reiner asked slyly, smirking at everyone. 

“What do you mean by fun, Reiner?” Armin asked nervously, and the larger blonde scoffed.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about Arlert. You can’t back out of this one. We’ve got to welcome (y/n) into the group and I’m not taking no for an answer, for it?” He sternly, but jokingly said, but Armin still nodded with a slight tingle of fear in his eyes. 

“That includes you too, (y/n). You’re coming.” He smirked at you, and you blushed and nodded. 

“That sounds fine with me. I have nothing to really do.” You looked over to the man sitting next to you, who seemed to be zoning out completely. 

“How about it, Jean?” You asked him softly, still feeling bad about asking about Marco. You wrapped your smaller hand around one of the fingers that was holding onto his knee, and his head turned to you. You smiled softly at him, trying to coax him into a better mood. His eyes softened when he met your gaze, grazing your fingers with his own, rubbing his thumb on your hand. 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You should’ve expected what Reiner’s little “surprise” was going to be. The sneaky bastard. The moment you left the dining hall and walked into the boys room, he pulled out four bottles of whatever hard liquor he could find. You had never drank before, excluding that one time that Erwin let you taste red wine. Gross. 

But what the hell. A few drinks of liquor couldn’t get to you that bad, right? 

Wrong. 

You all sat down, some on the floor, and some on the beds. You took a seat on the fluffy mattress that was surprisingly still in tact. Tucking your skirt under your legs, you folded your hands in your lap. Jean took a seat next to you, of course. Reiner popped open one of the bottles and took a swig out of it, wiping his mouth after and handing it to Bertholdt. 

“That’s some good shit right there.” You ignored him for now and turned to Jean, who was leaning back into his hands, seeming unamused with the situation. 

“You us usually do stuff like this?” You asked him, and he laughed, shaking his head. 

“No, not really. Just when anyone gets their hands on a bottle. But are YOU okay with this, (y/n)?” He asked you. You nodded your head.

“I don’t mind. I mean I’m here with you so I feel comfortable.” You smiled sweetly at him, and Jean blushed, but gave you a smirk. 

“Is that so, princess?” He leaned closer to you, and you jumped back a little.

“Not like that, jackass! Get your head out of the gutter!” You hit I’m on the head and he clutched it, laughing. 

“I know, I know. It’s just so fun to tease you!” You stuck your tongue out in annoyance. 

“(y/n), here!” Ymir called out to you, hanging you the bottle of whiskey. You took the bottle from her, looking at it nervously. 

“Come on, (y/n). Have you never drank before?” Reiner asked you, and you shook your head in honesty. 

“That’s cool, just take it slow-“ You unscrewed the bottle and took three large gulps of the burning liquid, immediately regretting it but trying not to let it show in your face. 

“Well damn, I take that back. What a fucking champ!” Reiner cheered and you giggled. 

“Hey, (y/n).” Jean looked over to you and out a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hmm?” You responded, eyes lazily meeting his. 

“Maybe you should slow down. I don’t want you to get too hammered now.” He gave you a smile and you returned the gesture, but shook your head. 

“I won’t, Jean. I promise! It’s you I’m worried about.” You poked him in the chest playfully and he laughed, shaking his head. 

“Alright alright. I’m just mentally preparing myself to have to take care of your drunk ass later tonight.” He smirked. You did too. 

“Not likely.” You told him, grabbing the bottle from a very giggly and very intoxicated Sasha who was trying to eat Connie. 

You began to feel a bit hazy, but not quite dizzy. Your head and whole body felt lighter and everything around you seemed to slow down. You kind of liked it. But you didn’t want anyone to know, especially Jean, that you were slowly becoming more and more intoxicated. 

The bottle seemed to be coming over to you faster and faster, peoples cheeks were dusted pink, laughter became more and more boisterous, jokes became more lewd, comments more suggestive, and gestures more personal. All in all, you WERE having fun, laughing at everyone’s interactions. 

“(y/n), are you okay?” Jean asked, his cheeks a bit pink but he still held his composure. You looked over to him with flushed cheeks and hooded eyes, a mischievous grin on your face. 

You were completely, utterly, entirely fucking plastered.

And Jean knew it. 

“I’m fineeee.” You drawled out in your most convincing sober voice, but to Jean, who was definitely much more lucid than you, it was the most unconvincing “I’m fine” in the history of “I’m fine’s”.

“Uh huh. I’m sure you are princess, we’re gonna take you back to your room now. That’s enough for one night.” He told you, getting up and holding out his hand for you to take. You waved his hand away, confident in your ability to at least stand. You pushed yourself up off the bed and your blood rushed to your head; it felt horrible. Wobbling a bit, you took a step forward and immediately stumbled, Jean catching you as you fell forward in his arms. 

“Woah, there. Just let me help you.” He told you, and before you could protest, he bent down and hooked his arm underneath your knees, scooping you up. The action made you dizzy, so you shut your eyes, leaning your head against his chest. 

“You’re such an ass.”

“You’ll thank me later, princess.” Jean laughed and bid his intoxicated friends goodbye, carrying you out of the room. 

You felt the movement of his steps, held tight in Jean’s arms as he carried you up the stairs. Your eyes were still closed, head swirling as you tried focusing on the way Jean’s heart palpitated a bit faster than the normal heartbeat right now. His body radiated warmth like a cozy bed you wouldn’t want to crawl out of, and he smelled good. Like fresh shower good. After moments of thought, you concluded that he had taken a shower before dinner. Your eyes opened to a slant, groggily gazing up at the golden skinned boy who held you delicately as he made his way to your living quarters. Your arm lazily drew up from the side of your body, hand clutching into his white cotton shirt, making him gaze down at you. You smiled wearily at him, but it probably came off more as sultry, as he blushed a bit when you smiled. You turned your head so that your nose was buried in the soft material, feeling his warmth in your face and inhaling his lovely smell. You hummed softly, making his pectoral tense up a bit. 

“That tickles.” Jean said jokingly to you, and you grunted in response. He merely chucked as he made his way to your door, opening it up and pushing it open with the sole of his foot. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” He asked you, shutting the door behind him with his back, still holding you in his arms. 

“Left side of the room. Last door.” You managed to coherently spill the words from your mouth. He hummed in recognition, opening the door to the bathroom and setting you down on the countertop. He crouched down, sliding his hand halfway up each calf as he took your shoes off of your feet. 

Your legs were soft, after all.

“Room?” 

“Door next to this one.” You sighed out. He nodded, walking out of the bathroom, and you could hear him entering your bedroom. You turned around to face the mirror, running a hand through your frizzed, messy hair. Your eyes had large bags under them and you looked lethargic. 

“I look awful.” You grumbled to yourself. You were embarrassed that Jean saw you like this. There was no going back now. He has seen EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. 

“Ouch!” You heard something slam, and you giggled. 

“You okayyyyyy?” You called out, leaning to the side to stabilize your dizzy body. 

“I’m fine!” You heard Jean painfully call out, footsteps becoming louder again, and he entered the bathroom once more with what you assumed to be night clothes. 

“I found this. I’m pretty sure it’s appropriate for sleeping.” He handed you the clothing and you nodded and smiled.

“Thank you.” The room was still spinning, and you grabbed your head to try and make it stop. 

“You really outdid yourself, (y/n).” He said, placing his own hand over yours, standing right in front of you. He said it again. Your name. It rolled off his tongue like a foreign language. Dripped sweet like honey. It make your heart race and your face flush. You looked up at Jean, your eyes meeting his own golden ones that never seemed to lose that luster. 

“What happened in.... the room?” You drew out slowly, making sure you didn’t mix words up as best you could. 

“Your chest slammed shut onto my fingers. No big deal.” He smiled sheepishly. You frowned. This wouldn’t do. 

“Lemme seeeee.” You whined out, grabbing the hand that was over your own, looking at the swollen digits. They would be fine, it didn’t look too bad. 

“You knowwwww.... what would make this better?” You giggled out, humored by your own thoughts. 

“Ice?” He guessed logically. You shook your head, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes. 

“No this.” You took his fingers and placed them against your lips, holding them there and not breaking eye contact with him. Jean’s face turned pink as he stood there stunned at your actions. He pulled his hand away, stepping back a bit. The poor boy looked petrified. 

“Whaaaaat?” You questioned, a bit hurt. 

“W-what was that?” He merely squeaked out, and you laughed. It was a pure laugh with no malice or hatred. 

“I kissed it better dummy! Duhhhh.” You leaned forward, almost toppling off of the counter, but Jean stepped forward, catching you. Your head collided with his abdomen. 

“Ouch.” You stayed simply, and you felt the vibrations in his chest as he chuckled.

“Alright, lets get you in the shower and to bed. You need rest. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Your eyes widened, and your heart pounded at an alarming rate. You didn’t want him to go, to leave you alone. You grabbed his shirt. 

“No.”

“No? What do you mean?” He asked you, confused.

“Don’t leave me alone.” You were honest with him. What if he left while you were in the shower? You didn’t want him to go just yet. 

“(y/n), I can’t just stay in here.” He tried reasoning with you, but you weren’t having it. 

“Just don’t look.” You pleaded, looking up at him and giving him the best pout you could muster. 

“I won’t leave. I promise.” He smiled at you, caving into your intoxication. He knew your intentions weren’t lewd. They couldn’t be. 

“Mkay.” You told him, sliding off the counter with Jean bellying you, holding you by your hips.

“Here.” He told you, going over to the shower and turning it on for you. 

“I’ll just turn around. Tell me when you’re done.” He told you, walking over to the toilet, closing the lid and sitting on it, back facing you. 

“Wait.” You told him, grabbing onto his shirt.

“Hm?”

“Could you.... help me unzip? I don’t think I can.” You told him, and he nodded, motioning for you to turn around. You did as told, back facing him. His hands brushed your neck as he sweeped your hair to the side, dragging the zipper of your dress down to your lower back. Jean traced his fingertips up your bare back, sending shivers down your spine and causing goosebumps to erupt all over your body. 

“Jeannnn. That tickles.” You giggled, turning your head to face him. He blushed. 

“S-sorry...” he stuttered out, aware of his actions now. 

“‘Sokay. Now turn around. No peeping. Or I’ll kick your ass.” It was a weak threat. He rolled his eyes, taking his previous seat. You let your dress drop to the floor, stepping out of it and into the shower. The warm water hit your skin and you immediately sighed in relief. The steam and warmth of the water felt amazing, and it felt like you were floating. Quickly washing up as fast as your intoxicated body would let you, you stepped out of the shower feeling slightly better, and threw on your nightgown the Jean had picked out for you. 

“You can turn around now.” You told him. Jean stood up, and you padded over to him, still wobbling a bit. Looking up with wide eyes, you ticked your wet hair behind your ear. He looked at you with intent it seemed. 

“Whattttt?” You questioned him, and he shook his head, spinning you around and grabbing a hairbrush from the vanity. His fingers as well as the brush ran through your hair, massaging your scalp. It felt amazing. As Jean untangled your hair, he leaned down. 

“Don’t look at anyone else like that.” He whispered, hot breath tickling your ears, making you shiver.

“Mkay.” You giggled, not really understanding him. Jean continued to methodically brush out your hair. Your head bobbed a bit, lulled from the effects of the alcohol as well as the relaxation. Your eyes fluttered. He grunted, giving one final run of the brush though your now untangled hair. 

“Let’s get you to bed. Sorry for man handling you.” 

“Hmmm.” You sleepily half- agreed. Jean once again scooped you up in his arms, not wanting anymore protest from you. Clutching around his neck, you wanted to melt. He was so warm. Jean carried you to your room, and to your bed, carefully leaning over to place you down. He rested your head onto the pillow, and your arms were still looped around his neck. Your hands ran up his neck, thumbs tracing the outlines of his sharp facial features. Lazily staring at his face, which seemed to be your favorite activity tonight, you ran your fingers though the sides of his hair. His face turned pink, but you couldn’t tell due to the dim light. The soft pads of your fingers traced every bit of his face gently. Jean places his own hands over yours, removing them from his face and clasping them within his own.

“Come on now, no more of that. You need to sleep.” He told you softly. You hummed in response, smiling up at him. 

“You smell nice.” You told him honestly, and he gave you the sweetest smile. 

A wave of emotions suddenly flooded over you, and tears began to pool in your eyes. A few escaped, running down your cheeks. Jean’s face held a concerned expression as you sniffled. His hand gently held the side of your cheek, brushing the tear away. 

“Hey now, what’s wrong?” He asked, his voice low and soft. You hiccuped. 

“D-Don’t fell Erwin I was drunk. He’d never forgive me. Please Jean.” You gave him the look again, and he basically melted. It hurt to see you cry. 

“Don’t worry, princess. I wouldn’t dream of it.” He brought your hand up and placed his warm lips on your palm, kissing it. 

“Get some sleep.” He told you, getting up from the bed to leave. Your hand sought out his own, not letting go. 

“(y/n)?” 

“Please stay... just until I fall asleep. Please Jean.” You pleaded in a soft voice. He felt so sorry for you. It was wrong of him to stay here with you this late. But it felt right, somehow. 

“Okay.” He agreed, and you scooted over to the other side of the bed. Jean gently got in, kicking off his shoes and sat up, back against the headboard. Your body faced him as your eyes shut, and his hand subconsciously found its way to your hair as he played with it until you fell asleep. 

This was wrong, but you didn’t care. 

Jean did stay there. He stayed until his own eyes fluttered closed and his body sank down next to yours, keeping you warm while cold rain poured outside. 

It was wrong. Friends didn’t do this. 

But it felt so right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took so long guys SHITS BEEN GOING DOWN LEMME TELL YOU THAT


	5. Chapter 5

Your head hurt like a bitch, to say the least. 

You hadn’t even opened your eyes yet, but your body was signaling that you probably went a little too hard last night with the booze by the way your head was pounding and your body aching. Shifting a bit, you turned your body around and you felt your face hit warm, soft skin. 

What the fuck? 

Opening your eyes, you were met with bronzed, smooth chest muscles that rose up and down as the person lying next to you inhaled and exhaled slowly. Light scars marked the collarbones and down the right side of the enlarged muscle. 

Oh shit. It was Jean. 

Your face burned red as you noticed his attire. Well, lack of attire is what it really was. He was completely shirtless, with his arms crossed under his head. The blanket that you two were sharing covered his lower half, and you didn’t really want to know whether it was exposed or not. Maybe a little, but there were so many unfamiliar feelings and emotions flooding through your body now that you decided to satiate your curiosity at a later time.

What was he doing in your bed? And more importantly... what exactly happened last night? 

Sitting up carefully as to not wake the peacefully sleeping Jean, you propped your body up with your arms, examining the resting body that lay before you. Small, lighter scars seen before littered some of the boy’s upper body, and marks from the 3DMG gear showed lightly there as well. His arms that were stretched upwards revealed taut biceps, and rippling muscle stretching down his abdomen from years of hard training. A light trail of darker hair lie in patches underneath his exposed arms, but he was relatively hairless otherwise. His sleeping face was peaceful, clear of scars, and other blemishes that you might expect a late teenager to have. Jean had semi full, pink lips, parted slightly and moistened with saliva as he breathed in and out. He had dark, thin eyebrows, and longer eyelashes. Copper hair dusted his forehead, a bit slick with sweat, making it stick there. Your eyes traveled downward again to what you could see of his body not covered by the blanket, scanning over his slight muscle protruding from his abdomen, where a slight trail of hair starting from just below his bellybutton disappeared underneath the blanket. You blushed as your eyes trailed even lower, noticing the slight bulge that sat in between his legs there. Shaking your head from lewd thoughts, you focused your attention to the various scars that marked his body. Without realizing what you were doing, your fingers lightly grazed the scar flesh there, the puffy, warm texture under your fingertips fascinating you. Your digits ran up and down his collarbones and his chest, down his abdomen and back up. Entranced in your own actions, you didn’t notice a certain gold eyes boy fully awake and observing your motions without a sound.

“Having fun, princess?” Jean asked and you nearly jumped out of your skin, jumping back and retracting you hands to your chest. Jean propped himself up on his elbows, leaning up and giving you his classic smirk. His tired eyes, groggy voice, and messy hair made it all different this time, though. He was alluring. Dangerously so.

It was hot as fuck. Even you weren’t going to deny it. 

“I-I... Goodmorning?” You stuttered out, and he just chuckled, closing his eyes. Jean let the subject of your wandering hands go for the time being. He opened his eyes up again and stared intently at you. You wanted to shrivel up and hide, you were so nervous. 

“How are you feeling?” You asked, trying to change the subject. Jean’s face changed to a more serious expression, but still relaxed. 

“I should be asking you that.... do you remember anything from last night?” He asked you in a low voice, and you blushed. 

“No... not at all. The last thing I remember is being in the room with everyone, and then you catching me.” You admitted honestly, genuinely curious as to what the following events of last night included. Jean smiled at you almost devilishly, and your heart jumped. You didn’t know if you wanted to know what really happened last night. 

“You were plastered behind belief, princess. It was pretty entertaining.”

“Shut up!” You covered your face in embarrassment, groaning at the thought of the ludicrous actions you could have probably committed the previous night. Drunk you was not a pretty you, you concluded. 

“Wanna know what happened last night?” Jean asked you, and you shook your head, still covering your face with your hands. You couldn’t look at him right now or else you’d probably melt. You felt the bed shift and his presence getting closer to you. Strong, warm hands gripped your wrists and pulled them away from your face. Jean leaned in closer, his hot breath hitting your ear. You kept your eyes shut, nervous.

“You screamed and moaned my name all night, begging me for more and more and more as I touched you, teased you, rubbed you, and finally-“ your heart rate picked up tremendously, and you shoved Jean off, putting space in between you two. 

“N-no way.” Your breathing was rapid. 

You had sex with Jean? Were you really that drunk? Oh god. Oh fuck. You were in absolute shock, and your face had gone pallid. 

“No no no no no.” You groaned, putting your head in your palm. 

Jean started laughing. Hard. You would be pissed but his laugh was practically angelic. 

Scratch that. You were a little pissed. You gave Jean a weird look. Why the hell was he laughing? Was this a joke to him? 

“God, you should’ve seen your face (y/n)! Priceless!” You were utterly confused. What was Jean talking about?” 

“What...?” You questioned him, and his laughing fit stopped as he rubbed his eyes. 

“Princess, I was taking care of you all night making sure you didn’t concuss yourself trying to get to bed.” You sighed in relief, anxiety of the whole sex situation vanishing. 

“So... we didn’t have... sex?” You asked him carefully, nervously. He shook his head.

“You really think I’m that kind of guy?” Jean pouted and you suddenly felt bad. If he had to deal with you drunk all night and made sure you were okay, you were grateful. You shook your head.

“No no. I’m sorry, Jean. I was just worried.” He smiled.

“You act like having sex with me would be the worst thing in the world. I’m hurt, (y/n).” He put a hand over his heart. You rolled your eyes.

“So why are you naked and in my bed then?” You asked him, and he chuckled, revealing that he was indeed wearing white cotton boxer briefs that hugged his thighs quite deliciously, and you found it hard to peel your eyes away from a certain area. 

“Your didn’t expect me to sleep fully clothed did you? You practically begged me to stay the night with you.” He teased again, and you didn’t know if your blood pressure would go back to normal at this point. 

“S-shut up. I did not.” You denied, but somehow you felt like he wasn’t lying this time. You really didn’t like being alone. Jean nodded.

“You definitely did. But don’t worry. I promise we didn’t do anything. I got you cleaned up and your hair brushed. Besides...” Jean leaned closer once more, his hot breath on your face as he gripped your chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting it upwards so that your eyes met his. 

“If we did do anything at all... sex or not... you wouldn’t be drunk. Because you would remember every.... single.... part, princess.” He said slowly, and the words seared into your mind as he spoke in a low, sultry voice, still clouded by the morning. You were extremely embarrassed again, and this time you resorted to violence. You smacked Jean on the bare arm, and then on the chest, asserting whatever dominance you could, trying to get him to stop tormenting with your emotions. 

“Hey! Ouch! (y/n)!” He laughed a bit at your wimpy hits, and you continued your assault. 

“You’re such an ass! You’re such a tease! Ugh!” You continued hitting him and got him to lay down, face red.

“Why would you joke about something like that?! Stupid!” You slapped a palm on his chest. 

“That’s enough now.” Jean said calmly, grabbing your wrists again, pulling your forward, causing you to topple forward on top of him, legs failing on either side of his hips. He pulled your arms so that they were straight out in front of you, and so that you couldn’t get up. 

“I wasn’t done beating you up yet.” You huffed in defeat, chin resting on his chest as you looked up at him. 

“You call that beating me up? Princess, you didn’t even leave a scratch on me.” He laughed, and you felt the vibrations reverberate in his warm, bare chest. You stuck your tongue out at him and he returned the gesture. A smug look etched itself onto his face. 

“So tell me, (y/n). Have you ever been kissed before?” Your heart stopped. The question and your name rolling off his tongue was too much. 

“I-I....” you tried formulating a witty response but it proved to be useless. 

“I’ll take that as a no, then. I’m sorry for teasing you so much. I know you wouldn’t want to do anything like that ever with me and it probably shocked he living shit out of you.” Jean told you sheepishly and you shook your head. 

“No... it’s not that. I was just scared that I would’ve embarrassed myself.” You admitted to him, breaking his gaze and resting your head on his chest. As if you could really do anything else, Jean still had a death grip on your wrists. 

“Now why would you think that, princess?” Jean asked you softly, without a teasing tone in his voice this time. You shook your head, burying your face into the warm bed of skin beneath you, trying to hide. His hand released one of your wrists, scooping from underneath your chin and lifting your blushing face up so that he could see you. You avoided eye contact with him still. 

“I just... I don’t know. You already know I haven’t done anything remotely sexual with anyone before, let alone kiss anyone. I wouldn’t know what to do. It’s embarrassing.” You admitted, still straying away from looking at Jean in the eyes. 

“Look at me.” The demanding, yet gentle command swayed you, and your eyes met his own golden ones. They were softer, less harsh. They still held the undeniable shine that drew you in, though. 

“Don’t act like it’s a bad thing, it’s not. Why would you expect anything more when you’ve been locked away your whole life with nothing but middle aged men and a crazy scientist woman surrounding you?” He told you sincerely. It did make sense though. What he was saying. You nodded softly, heart still racing at a steady beat. 

“You’re lucky it was me who took you back here last night.” Jean told you, grabbing your wrist again lightly. 

“If it was Reiner, who knows what he would’ve done to you.” He smirked at you, and your face turned horribly red. 

“Stop!” You squealed, using your legs to squeeze this hips and try to prop yourself up. It succeeded, but Jean really wasn’t trying to hold you down. His hands still had grips on your wrists as you steadied yourself on the planes of his bronzed pectorals, looking down at Jean’s with your hair hanging in your face. 

“Let go.” You told him sternly, but there was still shakiness in your voice.

“Not a chance, (y/n).” He smirked at you again, and you wriggled a bit, trying to pull your body weight upwards so you could get off of him. The movement made his eyes shoot wide and a small groan escape his parted lips. 

“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.” You asked, concerned. 

“No, princess. The exact opposite actually.” You looked at him skeptically. However, when you looked down, you knew what was happening. Your nightgown was bunched up to the tops of your thighs, which cascaded over his bare body on either side. Your warm core sat atop him at the groin, which felt significantly more enlarged than before. 

Oh god. 

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.” You tried getting off of him again, writhing in his grip which Jean did not cease to keep hold of you. Your movement caused you to fluster even more, the feeling of the hardness against rubbing up against you. You inhaled sharply at the unfamiliar feeling, unsure of if you liked it or not. It was just... different. With the flustered man beneath you though, there wasn’t anything that felt particularly wrong. If that made sense. Whatever. You observed Jean’s face, which went from cocky to flustered in a matter of seconds, a deep pink blush littering his cheeks and down his neck, his skin hot like fire. His breathing was ragged, and it was hard not to convince yourself that you might enjoy how he was reacting to just a simple movement. 

“What... are you doing?” He asked you softly, breathing hard. You looked at him with pure innocence. 

“I don’t know.” You told him softly, looking down at his bare chest and tracing a finger down his sternum, where the dips of his well-developed pectroalis major met. 

“You don’t know?” He asked you with a bit of sass, and you had no reply.

“You don’t know. Well, let me just show you then.” Before you had time to even say anything, Jean had hooked a muscled leg around your back and flipped you over. He hovered over your body, having your wrists pinned above your head with one of his large hands. You stared at him in shock as his body was nestled between your parted legs. You were completely and utterly helpless. 

Jean stared at you, burning holes into your face as he observed your expression. It was partially wonder, partially shock, and partially hazy. Your lips were slightly parted as you tried inhaling and exhaling slowly to ease your racing heart. 

“Did you know what you did just now? Hm?” Jean leaned closer to you, his nose touching yours. You shut your eyes out of instinct.

“Use your words, (y/n).” He whispered into your ear. 

“N-no.” You managed to squeak out, shivering as his hot breath hit your ear. 

“No? Well, I’ll give you a little taste of what you just did to me, then.” He chuckled and melded his hips with yours, pressing and rubbing up against your heat with his own, the friction of the cloth between you two grazing your most sensitive areas. The initial contact made you gasp, eyes widening. 

“Do you see now?” He hovered over you once more. 

“See what?” You teased him lightly. Yo weren’t about to let him have all of the fun. 

“You’re so innocent, princess. It’s almost painful.” He smirked down at you, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Teach me then.” You told him boldly, and Jean looked like he was at a loss of words.

Oh god, what did you just say? 

“Teach you?” He asked, confusion clearly written on his face. 

“Yes.” You breathed out, eyes darkening and shutting slightly. 

“I... don’t know.” He admitted, and your heart dropped. But what did you expect, really? You were inexperienced, you weren’t in the Corps. You were just a little girl that lived in HQ and didn’t have anything going for her. 

Jean saw the look on your face. 

“That’s not what I meant.” He let go of your wrists, but you didn’t move your arms at all. You wanted to melt away into the bed. 

“What did you mean then?” You sounded a bit hurt, and he flinched at your tone. 

“I meant, princess.” He paused, putting his words together, biting his cheek. 

“It’s just me. You want ME out of everyone else in this world to teach you about... this.” He sounded insecure. And it broke your heart a bit. 

“Jean.” You placed a hand on his cheek lightly, getting him to look at you. 

“You’re the first person I’ve met to actually care enough about me to take care of me at me drunkest, apparently. The first person I could call a friend.” You’d smiled at him, and he returned the gesture, softly. 

“It wasn’t that big of a deal. You’re pretty easy to convince when you’re drunk.” You hit him on the arm.

“Ow!” 

“That’s what you get for making snarky comments. Maybe I’ll just go ask Reiner to help me out.” You began to sit up, but Jean was too quick and held you down, face close to your again.

“Like hell you are. I won’t let him or any of those other guys touch you.” 

“Oh, possessive are we?” You teased him, and he repeated his actions from before, pressing his groin against yours, making you gasp. 

“I’ll teach you everything, princess. Just remember that you asked for this.” The throbbing between your legs became more prominent now, and you shifted a bit. 

“I know, so show me what you’ve got, Kirschtein.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could write endless chapters of just pure hooking up, I would.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back bitches.
> 
> No but really, I am very very very sorry for my extended absence. I started college back in August, and my life has been a complete shitshow since then. Heres an extra long chapter for my readers, (whatever is left of them)  
> I appreciate all of the comments that you leave for me- and I promise to update more often and satiate the massive cliffhangers. I love you all!

It all seemed so surreal; the small intimate moment that had encapsulated your entire being had ended with Jean leaving to the mess hall with a smirk and a wave, leaving you dazed. The euphoria of the unfamiliarity of the situation still had your eyes glazed over and your body feeling slightly numb. It spread warmth throughout your whole body, clouding your mind with thoughts of pleasure. 

You couldn’t imagine what other possibilities this whole new world had in store for you. Plopping quite ungracefully back onto the bed, you stretched your limbs out, feeling the tingly sensation jolt throughout your muscles. 

“Damn I’m so tired.” You sighed to yourself, realizing how fatigued you still were. It still was quite early, and all things considered you decided that a nap was in store. 

Work could wait for a little bit later. 

You dreamed of golden bronzed planes of smooth skin and fields of bronzed, silky hair that encased you like a soft blanket, to say the least. It was a damn good dream. 

You wandered lazily through your dream land, content and satisfied by the golden hues and piney scent. Warmth licked at your skin invitingly, placing a smile on your face. 

Until they came.

A large hand tore through the surface of the ground, blood splattering everywhere. Your face and heart dropped simultaneously as you backed away in terror of the sight before you. A titan tore through the surface, it’s wicked smile and soulless eyes locking onto your figure. Your heart rate exponentially increased, and you trembled in fear. 

Something was hanging from its mouth. No- someone was hanging from its mouth. You squinted your eyes at the closely approaching figure, making out the person. 

Copper hair.

Tan skin.

Dead, golden eyes that lacked the shine that his life had brought to him. 

“No...” you muttered out. Everything hurt. It was Jean. Jean was dead. The overpowering smell of blood made you sick. The thought of Jean just... gone. Made you want to puke. 

“NO!” You screamed out, crouching down and gripping your head, sobbing. 

And that’s how you woke up. Being shaken awake wasn’t your exact ideal way to be roused from sleep, but it sufficed considering the circumstances. 

“(y/n)!!” The familiar, soothing voice called out your name, and your eyes snapped open to reality. Taking a moment to focus, your face landed on a pair of shiny golden eyes, full of life. In your dreams however, they where dull and dead. 

“(y/n).” He sighed out, relieved that you were awake at last. Hot tears gushed out of your eyes at that moment, and you couldn’t seem to piece together a coherent sentence.

“I- you- the golden- titan- dead.” You blubbered our like a toddler and Jean looked at you softer now. He used the grip he had on your shoulders to pull you to his chest. Warm and inviting, his heartbeat and his familiar smell pulled you back to reality. 

“I’m sorry.” You croaked out, burying your tear soaked face into his white shirt. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Just a bad dream.” He hushed you, subbing a hand over the back of your head, keeping you close to his warmth. 

“How did you even find me asleep? I thought you left.” You questioned him, still not looking up at him.

“I came back after, I was bored. I heard you screaming and I thought someone had came into your room so I rushed in here, but I found you tossing and turning in a cold sweat, screaming.” He admitted to you, and you let out a shaky breath. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” You apologized again, embarrassed at your unconscious actions.

“Stop apologizing. That must have been one hell of a dream.” He chuckled, and stayed in the same position for a while. He knew you really didn’t want to talk about it, and you appreciated that. The underlying thought of Jean’s death wouldn’t leave the back of your head though. 

He was a soldier. Soldiers fought. Soldiers died. Jean had signed his life away to the Corps and you were acting like you didn’t know that. Everyone had. Eren, Sasha, Reiner, Levi.... Erwin. They all had. You weren’t a soldier. You couldn’t protect any of them or have a chance to fight for your life. This angered you in a way, but you were satiated by the warmth that presented itself to you through Jean. At least you had this right now. You couldn’t dwell on the past. The death of your parents, or the misery. You couldn’t focus on the future and all of the dismal possibilities it could hold. All you could focus on was now. Living your life and keeping the people you cared about as close as you could for as long as you could. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asked you softly, and you shook your head. 

“I’m trying to think about nothing, honestly.” You let out a grim laugh at your own depressing comment. He squeezed you a bit tighter. 

“I understand.” He buried his nose in your hair, and he inhaled slowly and hummed in response. You both stayed like that for a finite amount of time until your conscious was in a deep slumber without you realizing it. Who knew you were such a sleepy ass person?

The thunder was what woke you. Monsoon season was upon you, after all. The soft rumble reverberated in the walls of the building, the soft tremor coursing through your body. It wasn’t frightening at all, just alarming.   
The rain was always a nice sound and feeling.   
Opening your eyes fully now, you were met with the peaceful face of your sleeping companion. Jean’s fully relaxed face showed no signs of awakening any time soon. His lips were slightly parted, and he was snoring lightly. That boy was OUT. His arm lay draped around your waist lightly, and you figured you could move without waking him. 

Not that you wanted to, really. You just felt gross and you didn’t smell the absolute best right then and there. Grimacing at your own state, you lightly slid his heavy arm off of you and crawled out of the bed as gently and quietly as you could. Quickly padding across the wooden floorboards as to not make them creak too much, you made a mad dash to the bathroom. Hearing the soft click of the door behind you, you let out a sigh of relief. You hope you wouldn’t wake him by showering, he looked so tired. Pulling off your nightgown, you tossed it onto the small vanity and walked over to the shower, turning the obnoxiously squeaky handle clockwise, watching the water come out. A few minutes later, the gathering steam signaled to you that it was ready to get in. 

“Mmmmmm” You hummed our as the hot water hit your skin and cascaded down your body. Nothing felt better than a hot shower. Ever. You lathered shampoo in your hair and soap all over your body, letting the suds cleanse your body from sweat and dead skin. Closing your eyes, you relished in the feeling of the warm, sudsy water flooding your skin in moisture. Even though you didn’t really prefer being alone, these were the moments you treasured. It may have seemed silly, but you were in a total state of relaxation. Grabbing a single blade razor that men usually used for shaving off their facial hair, you gently ran it over your legs and pelvis to rid it of the extra hair that lied there. It wasn’t too common for women to shave body hair, usually only in prostitution. But you loved the feeling of the sheets against your cleanly shaven legs. It was one of life’s simple pleasures. 

Satisfied with the way you both felt and smelled, you turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wringing out your hair in the basin. Reaching over to grab your towel, you felt air. 

You forgot to grab a towel. 

“God dammit.” You cursed yourself angrily and facepalmed. Maybe Jean was still asleep and you could grab a nightgown or a towel just really quick. 

Dancing around the bathroom madly to try and dry off a bit, you looked like you had a whole rod shoved up your ass as you scurried to the door. Opening is with precaution, you peered over to your bed. 

He was still asleep. 

“Yes!” You quietly cheered and hopped over to your chest, bending over and shuffling through the contents as quickly as you could. Snatching a short, summer gown, you clothes it to your chest and leant back up. Your back hit something warm behind you... it was strangely familiar in both warmth and feeling. 

Your heart skipped a beat, and your breath hitched. You were sure your face was as red as a desert sunset. 

“Scandalous, are we? Did you forget I was here? Or did you do this on purpose?” Jean’s voice, clouded with sleep whispered in your ear. 

“I- I thought you were asleep.” You managed to pathetically squeak out, still not turning around. You were absolutely mortified. He had probably seen you naked, and every little thing in between. You felt fucking stupid. 

“Well. I WAS. But someone was making quite a bit of noise over here.” He retorted sassily. You felt something nip at your ear, and you shivered, clamping your legs together. God this was so different. Your body felt like it was sizzling, your heart was palpitating at an alarming rate, and you were shivering. You felt so exposed, and disgusting. No one had ever seen you naked before. It was so embarrassing. 

A tear ran down your cheek and you leaned your head down in shame, the tremors of crying racking your body. Jean grunted and wrapped his arms around your waist, gripping at the material you clung to your chest. Your last piece of dignity at this point was being stripped bare from you. What was he going to do? 

His touch was searing, and you couldn’t discern his intentions.

“Here we go.” He said softer this time, shaking out the material and gently slipping it over your head, taking each limp arm and sliding it through the holes of the gown. You were shocked. Eyes wide, you turned to Jean with a tear stained face once again for the second time in a day. You really needed to chill the fuck out. He looked at you with a serious face, and placed a warm hand on your cheek. It was inviting. You buzzed your cheek into his large, soft hand. His callouses thumb grazed the supple skin on your face, wiping the tears away. 

“I was just kidding, (y/n). I don’t want to make you do something or think anything that you’re not ready for. I’m sorry.” You nodded and closed your eyes, taking the step forward and colliding with the larger man in front of you, and his arms encircled you like a cage.

“Besides, princess, I only saw you from behind, I promise. Nice ass.” You slapped his chest. 

“Jean!” You groaned and he laughed out. 

“I’m just sayingggg.” He drawled out, and you rolled your eyes. 

“But princess,” he picked your chin up with his thumb and forefinger. 

“Didn’t you want me to teach you EVERYTHING?” He emphasized, and your heart felt like it could burst.

“Not all at once!” You used both of your hands and placed them on his chest, pushing him away lightly out of embarrassment. He chuckled.

“I’m teasing you. I just wanted to take sure that we’re on the same page.” He crossed his arms in front of him lightly, leaning on one foot. You hugged out a breath of air. 

“You just LOVE making me embarrassed, don’t you, Gene?” You mispronounced his name on purpose, knowing it was his biggest pet peeve.

“That’s it.” He said seriously, hurling forward toward you, grabbing you by the waist and hauling you over his shoulder. 

“Jean! Put me down now!” You screamed, pounding on his back. 

“Not a chance. That was uncalled for, princess.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, well you do a lot of shit that’s uncalled for too, ass.” You mumbled under your breath. 

“What was that?” He retorted, pretty much chucking you onto the bed in front of you. You let out a squeak at the impact. 

“Christ Jean! I’m not a rag doll!” You looked up at him with an angry face. He just smirked. What’s new? 

“Watch your mouth, princess.” He hovered over you menacingly, but you held your ground.

“Or what?” You inquired him. 

“Or.....” He moved closer to you, his warm breath lingering over your face. Hie eyes became dark. 

“I’ll have to take care of that.” 

“Oh yeah?” You barely whispered out, eyes glazed over and hooded. 

“Mhm.” He grunted out, leaning in closer, closer, and closer until there was barely a millimeter of space between you two. You couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“Kiss me.” You breathed out, and he didn’t even say a word before descending down and pressing his lips against yours. The sensation was phenomenal. 

His lips were warm, soft, and just the slightest bit moist. They felt like a blanket over your own colder ones, and your eyes fluttered closed. Your heart beat a little faster, your face turned a little redder, and your breathing became more staggered as he deepened the kiss ever so slightly. You didn’t really know what you were doing, but he was being gentle so you could follow along. His movements were soft and light, his lips grazing against your own in a searing dance that made your entire body feel weightless and numb. His body was supported by one arm as he slid his hand up and gently cupped your face, holding it so he could delve deeper and kiss you harder, which you welcomed gladly. You sighed out of content, and it came out sort of like a moan, and he reciprocated. The world around you didn’t matter at this point. 

Suddenly, Jean slid down, gripped your waist and flipped you over so that you laid on top of him. This caused your mouths to unlatch. You were sort of half lain on top of him, your arm sling over his pectorals and leg hooked sound one of his thighs. Your heads turned to the side, looking at each other with soft gazes and hard pants. 

“How was that for a first kiss?” He asked you, and you smiled at him brightly. 

“Can we do it again?” 

“Your wish is my command, princess.” His eyes gleamed and you both closed the distance once more, pressing your mouths together, more desperate this time. The gentleness had worn away now, and the gesture had more fervor, more heat. Your body responded on its own as your crawled on top of the much larger man under you, straddling his hips as you continued the kiss. You were getting the hang of it now, the interlocking, smooth movements, closure, nipping, and sighing. 

Jean wasn’t complaining either. His large, calloused hands slid up your legs and gripped your bare hips. You inhaled sharply at the trail of sparks he left running up your body, sending electrical impulses that made you shiver in pleasure. 

“Mmmmnn... so smooth.” Jean broke the kiss to groan out. He ogled your freshly shaven, clean legs with his bare hands. God, he was so hot. He made you nervous. 

“I.... don’t know what I’m doing.” You said in between pants, and Jean broke the kiss again, placing his lips on the sensitive skin of your scorching neck. 

“You don’t have to. I’m teaching you, aren’t I?” He muttered in between deep, languished kissed to your jugular, sucking lightly on the skin there, making you gasp out at the lovely sensation that it caused. 

“Fuck.” He mumbled, gripping your legs a little tighter, pulling you even closer flush against his body. One particularly harsh bite made you cry out. 

“Agh!” You yelped, throwing your head back. He didn’t say anything, but kissed the reddened spot tenderly as an apology. His hands ever so slowly dragged themselves upwards toward your hips. Realizing that you weren’t wearing any underwear since you had no clothes to begin with, your face turned a bit more red. 

“Mmmmmm.” Jean pulled you back in for another kiss, and you wasted no time at all in returning the gesture. His hands squeezed you a little tighter, telling you that he knew what was going on without physically saving anything. Hips traveled from yours downwards again, landing on your clavicle, nipping and sucking on the tender flesh there, leaving small, red bite marks that would most likely show in a few hours or maybe even sooner, but you didn’t worry about that too much right now. His lips left a red hot trail of tingles wherever they landed, sending euphoria throughout your body. His rough, warm hands traveled upward, flattening and running up your back. It felt utterly wonderful against your colder skin, making you sigh in pleasure. 

“(y/n)” Jean spoke to you in a low, sultry voice.

“Mhm?” You hummed out in response, eyes shut lightly, relishing in all these new feelings that you were experiencing. 

“I’m not going to force you to do anything that you don’t want to.” He told you, placing another kiss on your collarbone.

“But I feel like you should get comfortable with me before I get comfortable with you.” He finished his statement with a kiss to your lips, leaving a confused look on your face.

“But Jean, I am comfortable with you, what do you mean?” You asked, slightly questioning what he truly meant by his statement.

“Not like that, princess.” He took your hands from where they were resting on his shoulders and placed them on the top buttons of his shirt. You sat there, astounded by the small action and sat there dumbfounded. 

“Like this.” He confirmed with you. Oh.

Oh.

OH.

Your hand trembled slightly as you nodded, simultaneously undoing the first button of his shirt, descending downward in a slow, steady direction. Jean was as calm as ever as he patiently watched your clumsy, nervous hands unfastening every single button on his shirt until it hung loose and open, revealing the tanks, golden planes of soft, lightly scarred skin with absolutely gorgeous pectorals and abdominal muscles that slightly expanded from his breathing. Your eyes traveled up to meet his again, and you were met with a darkened gold, with hooded eyes and a wanting gaze. He was just so damn irresistible.

Making your move, you leaned in and kissed him, hard, catching the boy completely off guard as he fell back just a bit, but held you both up nonetheless, Your hands snaked up his arms and back to his shoulders again, where you slowly slid the shirt off of them with a more steady hand. 

“Atta girl” He said, winking at you. You rolled your eyes, looking sway from his intense stare, becoming nervous once more. 

“Want to continue? You don’t have to.” He told you snaking his hands around your waist, pulling you to his chest comfortingly.

“Im not a wimp, Jean. This is just new to me.”

“I wasn’t calling you a pussy, princess.” He scoffed, and you giggled.

“Lead the way, captain. What do you want mw to do next?” You asked him innocently, and his face dusted bright pink on his cheeks at the pure question.

“Goddammit, (y/n). You’re too pure for this. I feel like I’m tainting a baby deer or something.” He grumbled, and you laughed.

“Come on Jean, it was an honest question.” You said lowly, leaning back in and kissing his lips once more, He groaned into your mouth, and you relished the feeling, He unhooked his arms from around you, grabbing your hands once more and lowering them a few inches lower from the place where you had unbuttoned his last button. Your fingertips grazed the leather soaps of his belt and the cotton material hem of his tan pants. Hands trembling, your mind decided that you couldn’t chicken out this time, so you went for it. Your nimble fingers slid over the belt, clumsily unhooking it and pulling it loose. Jean didn’t say anything, but rather observed your movements, almost waiting in anticipation for what unknown events were to happen next. You didn’t notice the growing bulge in his pants until now, and it made you nervous. You had not a clue what to do. How to pleasure a man wasn’t in your list of suggested readings, and you had never been presented with this opportunity before. 

“Did you want to stop?” Jean asked you in a whisper, and you shook your head in response, pushing in and pulling out the button on his pants, loosening them to reveal the front of his white cotton briefs. Curiously, your hand grazed over the hardened lump that protruded from there, and you felt Jean jump a bit from under your touch. Your hand backed away, and you held it to your body in worry.

“Did I hurt you?” You asked him, concerned. He shook his head. 

“No, keep going.” He encouraged you. You obliged and hooked your fingers in the waistbands of his clothes, telling him without words to take it off. His golden orbs bored into your own with every movement he made to slide the garments off of his legs and tossed them onto the floor. There he was, leaning against the headboard of your bed, completely vulnerable to you. He was panting softly, cheeks dusted with rose, skin glistening, and eyes full of patience, yet anticipation. It bore down on you with intensity, and you scanned his completely nude figure in front of you, eyes widened in awe of a sight that you had never seen before in your life.

There was no uneven tan lines on his skin; planes of soft tan skin stretched over taut muscled that deliciously accentuated every part of his body. Light colored hair dusted over his legs, and a darker trail lie underneath his bellybutton. Light scars littered his body, but they didn’t distract you from the most unnerving part. 

His member lie flat against his lower abdomen, just underneath his bellybutton. It was lined with veins, and was a little darker than his true skin tone. It had no curvature, and rested on a light bed of dark, thin har that gathered at his pubus. You were no expert, but you would have to make a logical approximation that he was a little above average. 

It felt strange, to say the least. You nervousness was ebbing away ever so slightly, and was rather replaced by curiosity. You crawled towards Jean, looking at him up and down, scanning him for any reaction. He did nothing to force you, he just observed your actions, waiting, wanting. You saw it in his eyes. 

Your eyes traveled downwards once more, landing on the blood infused, erection in front of you. Your hand gravitated towards it, fingertips grazing from the base to the tip, slicked with moisture of anticipation. Jean’s breath hitched at your ministrations, flushing in response. 

“Fuck.” He breathed out, and you loved it. You wanted more of it. But you didn’t know what to do. 

“What.. do I do?” You asked him honestly. Jean looked at you, smiling softly. 

“Do what you feel is right. If you need help, I’ll gladly do it. But I want you to do what you want.” He told you, and you nodded, nervousness returning now. You felt a pit in your stomach, the worry of doing something wrong eating away at you. Jean could tell.

“Don’t be scared, (y/n). I promise you’ll be okay.” He told you with earnesty, and you smiled softly back at him. You crawled up to sit on his legs, kissing him once more, but this time a bit harder. Jean groaned into your mouth, and it was what you craved. The noises of pleasure that he produced was straight up ecstasy for you, and it turned you on beyond belief. 

Continuing your movements, you grasped him once more, the time with a bit more pressure, and you moved your hand, sliding it up and down as best you could and as smoothly as you could. Jean’s hands gripped at your thighs, and the sudden action made you gasp. As you continued to stroke him, you noticed that it was getting more difficult and your hand didn’t glide as smoothly up and down. That had to have hurt. 

“Saliva.” Jean broke your kiss to tell you.

Saliva? Oh, okay. 

You were the one to break the kiss this time, crawling down to face his lower half, lightly holding in your hand while leaning closer to it. 

“Hey, (y/n), what are you- oh, fuck…..” Jean groaned out as your tongue ran from the base to the tip of his dick. 

You looked at him dead din the eyes, and with as much confidence as you could muster, you told him-

“You said saliva, genius.” He whimpered as you repeated your previous action. You were getting closer to where you wanted to be. Jean was beginning to be more vulnerable, more soft, and more needy. His hard and cocky exterior completely melted away as you tried your best to pleasure him and become more comfortable with the whole idea of sex. You continued licking, and when you got tired of that, you decided to try something new. Tongue running up once more, you surrounded the head of his penis with your lips, massaging it with your tongue.

“Jesus Christ, (y/n), fuck…. fuck……. mmmmm.” He panted out, and you brought your head back up and looked at him. 

“Like what you see, princess?” His cocky side returned once more, and you rolled your eyes, blushing and looking away. 

“I think if I didn’t I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” You retorted, slithering your hand to grip him in your hand, squeezing lightly. Jean gasped lightly, caught off guard by your bold move. He smirked once more at you, suddenly pouncing on top of you like an animal. 

“I think you’ve had your fun, (y/n). Now if you’ll allow me, I’d like to show you what you’ve been missing out on.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest apologies for the long hiatus- for those of you that even read this anymore. Not that anyone cares, but I’ve just been going through some really awful things these past six ish months. I’ve been struggling emotionally and mentally with college, and a relationship of toxicity with a man that I can happily say that is not a part of my life anymore. I had no motivation to write my shitty little fic anymore because I was busy taking care of a child that didn’t deserve my time, efforts, or thousands of dollars of debt that I sacrificed for him. I’ve had many revelations and life experiences since I’ve been gone and I’m much happier now. This chapter has been in the works since December, and I promise if you’re still reading this that I won’t be as awful. I’m much happier, I’m more motivated, and I want to share that with my readers as we progress. So sit back, turn some lofi on, and let the show go on.

Your heart pounded erratically, and you felt like throwing up, to say the least. 

Jean stared into your eyes with a boring pressure, and it felt like he was digging in the depths of your entire being to see what you were thinking. 

“You have to relax, (y/n).” Jean told you lowly, but softly. You broke his intense stare, turning your head away. 

“I think that’s impossible.” You scoffed, retorting sarcastically. 

“Really?” Jean leveled with you, scooting down so that he was at your feet now. He lightly grasped your calves with his large hands, and bent your knees so that you were in a sort of semi fetal position. He shifted up so that he was sitting on his knees and your bottom pressed against him. 

“What are you doing?” Your face flushed red in embarrassment from the almost full exposure of your lower half, the thin nightgown being the only barrier between you and him, bunched up at your pelvis now. 

“Getting you to relax.” He told you with the most sultry tone of voice, and it made you want to melt. Your legs were pressed together and folded against you in a tight manner, and you couldn’t bring yourself to willingly relax them and let Jean do as he pleased. 

He started rubbing your feet that were pressed against his warm chest, the thick digits putting pressure into the arches and soles of them. You had to admit, it felt amazing. It was short lived however, as his hands smoothed their way up to your lower legs, rubbing them and massaging them gently. After another short while, Jean put slight pressure on the insides of your calves, signaling you to relax them. You did just that, and he placed both of your legs at his sides, and simultaneously continued his feeling you up, moving to your thighs now. You sighed out, finally loosening up a bit, closing your eyes and humming ever so lightly. 

“There we go.” Jean murmured, pushing his hands into the soft flesh of your upper legs, dangerously close to your intimacy. Feeling your body to be less tense, Jean slid his hands further up, gripping and massaging the flesh at your hips, feeling the soft curvature and pillowy feel of your body. You bummed out at the feeling, goosebumps littering your body at how he was touching you. Squeezing your sides softly, he signaled without words for your attention. Bringing your eyes back to meet his, your flushed face in perfect view for him. 

“(Y/n), I need you to be comfortable with me. I need you to be okay with this. Tell me that you are.” He almost pleaded, desperate and horny, but still considerate. The usual Jean that you have come to know and care for. 

“Please.” You panted out. 

“Please what, princess?” He asked uncertainly, and your hooded eyes met his wanton ones. 

“Touch me.” 

That broke his composure. Jean fell atop you and ravaged your lips with his own, nipping, licking, and sucking them until they went numb. His hands that were so still and careful against your waist slid out from underneath your nightgown and rather to the front, nimble yet large fingers quickly undoing each little plastic button that shielded you from him. You tried to keep your breathing even as the nervousness wracked your body, Jean’s touch lighting a fire on your skin, but somehow remaining comforting at the same time. 

The man above you undid the final button, leaving a small peeking trail of exposed skin. He took his sweet time, smoothing his hands up to your shoulders, and sliding the garment off of them while simultaneously exposing your naked body to him. The cold air from the pouring rain hit your body, causing you to gasp a bit and tense up. 

Jean lifted your body in the slightest to fully remove the garment and discard it somewhere in an unknowing corner of the room. You looked at his facial expressions as his eyes roamed your body with no physical action. You felt as if you were being appraised almost. 

“What are you looking at?” You whispered out at him, both concerned that he didn’t like why he saw or you were doing something wrong. You considered everything as a possibility, and you were criticizing yourself. 

It was true, you weren’t a hardass soldier. You didn’t work out everyday, and your body didn’t reflect that of a starving woman. Your hips had cushion, and you were soft and had curvature from nourishment and your body supple from many sedentary days working on paperwork. Your skin wasn’t littered with scars, nor rock hard abs from training. Maybe Jean didn’t like girls like you. He was used to the slender, muscular girls that he grew up and trained with. 

He saw your nervousness, and his hardened and concentrated gaze turned soft. 

“I’m looking at you. You’re so.... unique.” He told you honestly, and you couldn’t discern whether or not it was good or bad. 

“Look Jean, if you want to stop, I understand.” You told him with a shakier voice than you would like to admit, but it took a lot of courage to even say something. 

“Stop? Why would I stop? You’re a fool if you think that I want to stop.” He told you with sincerity and you were relieved. 

“You’re unique because you’re so... different. In every perfect way possible.” Jean encouraged you, kissing your neck and sucking and biting with every other word. You hummed our in response, shifting a bit to accommodate him. He chuckled. 

“Your skin is so soft, so smooth. Look at these.” He suddenly, but gently gripped both of your exposed breasts in his palms, squeezing them firmly. You moaned out at the sudden touch, the sensation pleasurable, yet unfamiliar. 

“They fit perfectly in my hands.” He ogled your breasts as he massaged them, pinching your pert nipples in between his thumb and his forefinger. Your back arched and you mewled out in pleasure. You didn’t know that such an act could feel so good. His hands were warm, yet calloused and caused even more sensations on your smooth skin. Jean was drinking up the sounds that you were making, encouraging him to continue. 

“Your hips, as I said before princess, are lovely. So is this.” He said teasingly, sliding his hands down your torso, smoothing over your hips and playfully gripping your ass from underneath. You squealed at the sudden motion, and your face turned a darker shade. Jean began another assault on your neck, moving upwards and nipping your earlobe. You hummed out in pleasure. His hands roamed from your bottom down to your legs once more. He stroked them up and down with his hands.

“And your legs, so smooth and soft.... delicious.” His words turned you on to an exponential degree. The throbbing in your belly and your sex made you crave more. More of everything. 

“But I wonder.....” he pondered with a sultry tone. He nipped your lobe once more, licking it after, causing you shudder and shaking reply. 

“Wonder what?” You asked breathlessly. You felt him smirk, the cheeky bastard. 

“I wonder....” his hands slid further up, cupping your bare sex with his hand. You gasped, eyes widening. 

“If this is softer.” You were shivering at his dirty words, and at the sheer contact of his hand with your intimate area. 

“Just trust me, (y/n). Can you do that?” He asked you, leaning back up and making eye contact with you once more. You felt like you could melt under his touch. Nodding, that was all he needed and his mouth latched onto a perky nipple, suckling on it. The new feeling and the sensations it caused caused you to moan a bit more now. His hand left your pelvis, returning with two fingers delicately tracing the outer labia of your nether regions. You shivered in anticipation. 

“So soft.... I think I was right.” Jean said, closing his eyes once more and returning to assault your chest with kisses, nips, and sucking. You throbbed, and your body felt like it was on fire. Jean could feel you, and he could feel your need. He was teasing you to see how far he could take you before you begged for more. But you decided that for just this time, you would let him do as he pleased. To be truthful, you didn’t want this moment to end. You wanted him to touch you forever if this is how it felt. Lost in your own thoughts, your body jolted as the two fingers suddenly moved inwards, running up and down your slit, barely grazing the most sensitive part of your body every time. 

“Jean....” you didn’t mean to call out his name. You didn’t know what you were doing at all. You were so overwhelmed with sensations that you didn’t care anymore about trying to hide how you were feeling. You needed more. 

“You’re already so wet.” He mumbled against your chest. Your face was lit aflame with blood rushing to it at his lewd comment. You let it slide, though. Jean was undeniably sexy and you didn’t want to ruin the moment. 

“Did I do this to you?” He asked you, and you didn’t respond. He was embarrassing you now. He didn’t let it go though. He suddenly moved his fingers up, gathering your wetness and harshly rubbing your clit, making you cry out.

“Fuck!” You squealed, feeling vulnerable. 

“Answer me, princess.” He kissed you hard, continuing to rub your sensitive little nub, and you went dizzy. 

“Oh god.... yes.... please don’t stop.” You gasped for air from the kiss, shutting your eyes, brows knitted together in pleasure. 

“See? That wasn’t so hard.” He told you, halting his fingers movement for a second. You were about to chew him out for completely ignoring you until you felt one of his long, thick digits slide into you slowly. 

“Oh...” you gasped out, indecisive on whether or not you enjoyed this invasive feeling or not. 

“Okay?” He asked, concerned. You nodded. 

“Tell me, love.” He drawled his honey coated words out as you became putty in his hands. 

“Have you ever had a real orgasm before?” The lewd question made you choke on a moan, and you looked away, embarrassed. 

“I see. Well, we’re gonna have to fix that now, aren’t we?” He taunted you with his words. 

Jean hovered over you now, fingering you lightly and gently, observing your reactions and facial expressions, drinking in the sight of your vulnerability, raw pleasure, and sounds. 

“Let’s see.” He smirked, curling his finger upwards, hitting a spot that you never thought existed. You almost cried out at the feeling.

“Found it.” He teased once again, but you didn’t care anymore. You wanted more of this feeling. You wanted Jean. 

“Jean.... please.” You moaned and whimpered. His finger slid in and out of your slick entrance as he asked you:

“Please what, princess?” You found it so hard to keep talking and replying properly with his ministrations.

“More.” You choked out, and he chuckled. 

“Your wish is my command.” He huskily said, scooting down on the bed, kissing a trail down below your bellybutton. 

Oh.

“Jean, what are you gon- Ah!” You gasped as he licked your sex once from bottom to top. His hands spread your legs open so that your pussy was on display for him. His mouth connected with you again, this time with a ravenous intent.

God, this was almost mortifying. You probably were squealing like a little pig, and you felt disgusting. But it felt so good. It felt right. 

Jean’s eyes bore into your own when you looked down at him, his tongue caressing everything. He sucked, nipped, and made you even more wet than you already were with his mouth. Your back watched as he continued his assault on your clit, the coil in your stomach tightening just a little bit more with every lick.

“Jean!” You cried out, hands moving to grip onto the now messy hair on the top of his head. He groaned, the vibrations making you moan again. 

Just a little more and you would most definitely reach your peak. 

Jean’s face moved away from your dripping core, the throbbing worse now. 

“No.... ngh.” You groaned out in frustration. The orgasmic pleasure he was about to inflict upon you now turned into a burning desire for more. 

He kissed you hard, and you forgave him for a moment. His hand returned to rub your sensitive and swollen clit. You tasted yourself on him, and you moaned into his mouth. 

“I had to make sure you were wet enough, baby. Don’t blame me, blame science.” He smirked down at you after breaking the kiss. 

“How does that make any fucking sense?” You retorted quite sassily, and he replied with a devilish smile and slid now two fingers again inside of you. He stretched out your taut vaginal muscles, and you cried out at the burning, yet impossibly good feeling. 

“Lubrication, princess.” He told you, but you only replied with desperate cries of pleasure as he plunged his fingers in and out, curling the digits to hit that same spot within you. You were a writhing, horny mess. He slowly pulled his fingers out of you, and you hissed from the lack of contact.

“Are you okay?” He asked you seriously now, and you nodded, eyes closed. 

“Do you want to continue?” You nodded again, wanting more. You needed him. You wanted Jean to touch you, to feel you, to kiss you, and to stretch you out and mark you as his shamelessly.

“Look at me, (y/n).” He asked with a demanding tone, and you did as he asked. 

“Are you sure you want it to be me?” He was getting nervous now. He was about to take something that could never be returned. 

“Jean.” You were serious now as well. You pulled his head to your own with your arms, encircling hit broad shoulders, kissing him with a passion that you hadn’t down before. 

“Be my first. I want you. Right here, and right now.” You told him, assertive but gently. He nodded, kissing you back. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” He whispered in your ear. He didn’t break eye contact with you whatsoever as his hand gripped his own member, placing it at the ring of muscle at your entrance. 

“Will it hurt?” You asked, even if it was a stupid question. 

Jean held one of your outstretched hands in his own, using the other to place on your cheek, rubbing it assuringly.

“It probably will.” He admitted to you honestly, and you bit the inside of your cheek. He kissed you again carefully, and whispered in your ear. 

“But I promise, princess, that I’ll make you feel so good that you’ll forget about all of the pain.” And with those words, he kissed you hard, sliding his rock hard dick into your drenched core slowly until his hips met yours. Your eyes squeezed shut, and you cried out into his mouth at the intrusion. 

It hurt, alright. He stretched you in ways that you didn’t know were possible to be stretched. It burned. But, he stayed still. You whimpered. 

“Shhh.” He kissed your cheeks, your nose, and lips all over. 

“Jean it hurts.” You gasped, trying to breathe properly and not panic or tense up, knowing that it would make everything worse. 

“I know. Relax. Relax. Just relax. It’s me. I’ve got you.” He comforted you. He kissed you. He cared. 

You found yourself to relax a bit more and steady your ragged breathing, focusing on the affection rather than the stinging sensation that your body betrayed you with. Knowing you would have to deal, you gave a roll of your hips to see if it would hurt. It didn’t, but left a dull ache instead. Nothing unbearable, though. 

“Fuck...” Jean cursed as you moved, and it was so hot. His brown were knitted together in concentration, but also in pleasure. You rolled your hips, more dramatically this time. His eyes snapped open, leaning up, and he slid out and back in of you with a quick snap of his hips, hitting you deep. 

“Fuck!” You cried. 

“You know, princess. I was trying to be nicer.” He told you domineeringly, slowly sliding in and out of your pussy in deep, long strokes. You whimpered and moaned loudly. 

“But what?” You panted out. He stretched you out so deliciously, hitting spots so deep you didn’t even know to exist. Bumping against your cervical end. Every. Single. Time. 

“But, you’re so tight.” He snapped his hips again. You cried out.

“So wet.” Harder this time. 

“So warm.” Again.

“So..... Irresistable.” Harder. 

“Jean!” You practically screamed out his name. 

He leaned back in, breath hitting your face. 

“And it’s all for me.” He fucked you at a steady pace now, but still slower than you would have preferred. It felt achingly amazing, nevertheless. And the moans, screams, and cries that you produced reflected that feeling. 

“Fuck.... I love it when you moan.” He moaned out himself, kissing you with fervor. You hummed into his mouth in response. 

Jean continued his slower pace for a while, getting you used to the feeling of him inside you, gripping him tight and hot. The sensations of orgasm were slowly creeping it’s way back, and you were determined not to lose it again this time. 

“Jean... please....oh god.” You rolled your hips to meet his thrusts, and he got the hint. He kissed your cheek, your neck, nipped and sucked your ears to edge you on even more. 

“Please what, baby? Tell me what you want me to do to you.” He huskily grunted our in between languid, deep strokes.

“Harder... please.” You sighed out, not caring about the lewd words escaping your mouth anymore. 

Jean didn’t say anything but rather pushed himself up off of your body, your legs bent at his sides as he took you sitting up. The new angle made him slide in and out of you faster, him gaming the momentum that you so desperately craved. Your hair fanned over your face as you threw your head to the side, closing your eyes and reveling in the pleasure. Your breasts rolled and bounced with each stroke, Jean ogling and admiring you as he claimed you entirely. 

“Is this what you wanted, princess?” He grunted out, the pad of his thumb circling your bundle of nerves in time with every pound, creating a burning feeling in your lower abdomen, and you tensed up in anticipation. 

“Mmmmm.... don’t stop, please.” You panted and pleased, turning your face now to look at him dead in the eyes. 

“Why would I? I can feel you.” He moaned a bit at your vaginal muscles flexing and stretching around him, fluttering in pre orgasmic tremor. He continued his assault, stretching you to your absolute limit, the pain of it pleasurable. Jean leaned back down, but continued his ravenous pace, relentless and with incredible stamina. 

“You’re getting tighter, baby. I can feel you getting close.” He ravished your neck and your mewls of pleasure only motivated him. God, you were so close and you could feel it. Every hit, every thrust, the sweet, hot friction on your clit. 

“Jean, ah!” You choked out at a particular thrust, wrapping your legs tight around him, nails digging into his back. He groaned audibly at your gesture, surprised at your forward and wanton behavior. 

“God, (y/n). I swear if you keep doing that, I’ll-“ you pressed your lips to his hard, and whispered back:

“Don’t you dare stop.” He looked into your eyes, as if he had sobered up from the intoxication of ecstasy, realizing the severity of the situation. You shook your head, meeting his eyes again. 

“Please Jean. Trust me. Just.... fuck.... don’t stop.” You pleaded and cried out, so close to your limit. Every little movement that he made, you felt it. His body meeting yours with every hot collision, the languid but sloppy kisses you shared with one another. His head would occasionally dip into your neck to kiss the hot skin there. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He kissed your cheek and picked up his pace for a final crescendo of pleasure that would in mere seconds, throw your body into an indescribable orgasmic bliss. 

“Oh god.” You tensed up even more, gripping him tight, and most likely leaving scratches on his back that would probably bleed. Jean held you closer, chest to chest, and whispered into your ear sultry words and liquid pleasure. 

“I’ve got you, princess. Just let go. Fuck... please. Cum for me baby. Relax. Just let it go.” His demanding, yet comforting tone is what set you off. 

“Jean.... oh god.... oh god.....” you moaned and let out a few choked cries. You felt the white hot pleasure overtake you, and the sensation of orgasm ripped through your body. 

“Fuck!” You cried out loud, and arched your back to meet him mid thrust. Eyes rolling back, you let the feeling completely overtake you. Your body over-sensitized from all of the feelings, you felt Jean shortly after give one particularly hard thrust and a throaty moan. His cock spasmed inside of you, and you felt every single hot spurt of liquid he poured deep within your pussy. The feeling added to your pleasure as you came down from your erotic high, and you hummed our in satisfaction, panting from your body being completely spent. He grunted as he slid himself out of you, moisture pooling between your legs as a result of both of your releases. The feeling was so foreign- nothing that you had experienced before. Every nerve in your body hummed in sensations that you couldn’t put a finger on. The soreness of the unused muscle newly stretched from deep within you. The heaviness of your eyes even though you had just slept. You were thrown out of your thoughts with a warm hand that was placed on your cheek. 

“You okay?” Jean asked you quietly, and you hummed in response, closing your eyes and nuzzling his warm, calloused hand even more. He leaned down and kissed your forehead, leaving tingles there. You smiled a bit at the tenderness compared to the animosity before, though his intention was never to hurt you. 

“I’m fine, I just feel weird.” You admitted to him softly, body still humming from the after effects of sex. 

“I get it.” He told you, understanding, and shifted to where he was laying down next to you on his back. You slid your body to mould into his side, and his arm slid around you. The comforting warmth and softness of his skin combined with the musky yet good smell of his body relaxed you completely, and you felt your body become less tense. 

“It gets better, I promise.” He told you with a huff, and you rolled over to face him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Does it? So you’re telling me that wasn’t completely awful?” You asked sarcastically. 

“Shut up. It was fantastic.” He kisses your forehead, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you against his side. 

“Tell me about everything.” You sighed out, getting more comfortable.

“What do you mean?” Jean asked you, turning over and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Everything. Your friends, the Corps, Titans, adventures, and you.” You hummed out, placing a kiss to his shoulder as the boy went deep into thought. 

“Well it all started when that little bitch Eren.....” Jean went on and on, describing the most intense, sad, happy, pleasant, and hard moments he’s faced in his time there serving for the corps. The soft rumble of his voice and the cool air made you sleep once again to the sounds of everything that you didn’t know you needed.


End file.
